The Justin-Bobby Effect

I was watching old re-runs of The Hills and it was the beginning of season 3 when Audrina starts going back and forth with Justin Bobby. We all know how that turned out but in case you don't she basically has this long time crush on Justin Bobby and had an on again off again relationship with him. He screwed up quite a few times, and yet she continued to go back to him over and over and over again. Why do we as women do this?

I can relate...

This struck a chord with me because to be honest I had someone like that in my life. I hate to admit it but I was sooooo Audrina in this situation. The guy that used to be in my life was an ex boyfriend and we dated on and off for all of high school. He cheated on me several times, he used me often and was a charmer to say the least. He knew my personality and knew exactly what he had to say to get me to give him one more chance. I went back to him at least 5-6 different times and those times we weren't "together" we were still flirting and close. What's worse is no matter how many people told me I deserved better, I never understood or agreed with them. I started having this conversation with my husband because I feel as though women in general (at least most women anyway) have that one man/woman in their lives that they shouldn't be with but are still pulled back every time. It's that person that knows exactly what to say and when to say it so it will stick with you. He's a smooth talker, tends to be easy on the eyes (in my case this guys was the closest thing to a gladiator I've ever seen), a cheater/player, constantly needing attention and doesn't really give a rat's ass what other's think. It is my opinion that women fall for this type of guy and constantly go back because we think he will change for us. We think that we are that person he finds worthy changing for. WRONG! I'm not saying all women have or have had this type of person in their lives but I think it's fairly common.

Yup, he did that too!

Then I started thinking about men and their lack of this type of person in their lives. First of all, I think women have better game than men so if they are those manipulative types, they are much better at hiding it. But I also think that men tend to have more of those "one that got away" ladies. Men have a harder time committing in a relationship and when he finds someone who is worthy of his time and commitment, he may not be ready for her....so she leaves. A few years go by, he's still single and he realizes what a dumb ass he was. Again, not all men have these women in their lives but I think they are more common than we think.

This post isn't about being with the wrong person or right person. It's about the differences between women and men. Women keep those "bad boys" around for as long as possible in hopes of changing them. Men get rid of the perfect woman to avoid a long term relationship or monogamy. I think all of this game play goes away the older you get. I got rid of my bad boy years and years ago and let me tell you, my life is so much less dramatic. I have more confidence in my abilities to read people, I have more confidence in my worth, and I know the difference between a real man and a boy playing games.
EMM

Easy Bake Oven vs. Action Figures

Watch this video. Go on, I'll give you a minute.....

What did you think? Are you not in LOVE with this little girl? First off, props to the parents of this little girl Riley for teaching her to speak her mind, ask questions and to realize the differences within people.

If you skipped the video I guess I'll tell you what she said. Basically she is questioning why all the girl toys are pink and princesses and all the boy toys are superheros and boy colors. She wants to know why boys can't buy pink princesses and why girls can't buy superheros! Her father brilliantely asks her why she thinks all the girl stuff is pink? She answers with the best answer possible, "The companies try to trick us!" Boy does she have it right!

From birth, boys and girls are constantly reminded of their gender roles. Girls' rooms are pink, all of their clothes are pink hues, they have bows, they have dolls and cute princess outfits. Boys' rooms are blue/green, with baseball borders, and outfits with trucks on them. As they get older they are  imbeaded with even more gender roles by giving the girls vacuum cleaning toys, kitchenette toys, Easy Bake Ovens, doll houses to take care of, as well as baby dolls; all insinuating that their worth is becoming a stay at home mother, who cleans house and takes care of the family. Or a princess. Where boys are given trucks, superheros and sporting equipment insinuating that they should aim to become a truck driving superhero that plays baseball! I'm not saying either is better but to me, clearly one sounds like a more demanding role than the other. Believe me, stay at home mothers are strong individuals and this is not a way for me to bash them. I just don't think it's right to instill in your daughter's head that being a stay at home mother is all there is to be. Just like letting your son run wild on the thought of becoming a professional baseball player isn't great either.

Here's the thing, how can you pass by those cute barbies and dolls and not get one for your sweet little girl? How can you pass by the new soccer ball for your rough and tumble son? It's hard but important to make sure they are aware of their roles as people, not boys or girls. It's important to teach your children the differences between the two, but also that being a stay at home dad is fine, being a firefighting woman is fine, being a janitor is fine! As long as you love it, it's fine.

I'm not a fan of treating girls like they're delicate little creatures, just like I'm not a fan of treating boys like they need to get over everything so easily. But women who are brought up this way are considered cold hearted bitches, and men are considered pussies. Who knows how we will end up raising our children but I guess for now I can say that I hope we can bring them up teaching them it's ok to ask questions and it's acceptable for them to play with any toy without any judgement from me or their father. However others judging them is the real issue. I guess I'll leave you with this, next time you see a boy playing with a doll, or a girl who's attached to an Iron Man action figure, just know they're comfortable with who they are, and you should be too.
EMM

Emotional Affairs

Remember that movie "I Think I Love My Wife" with Chris Rock? If you haven't seen it SPOILER ALERT, he basically has an emotional affair with this girl Nikki and almost has an actual sexual affair with her. I was singing "No Sex in the Champagne Room" by Chris Rock while cleaning my bathroom and that movie came to my thoughts. Now that I write often, I get inspiration from everything I can. The movie struck a conversation with my husband and we both agreed that emotional affairs are just as bad as sexual affairs. I guess sometimes it can be worse if you can imagine.

For those of you who don't know what an emotional affair it can be easily described as two people developing a relationship that's deeper than friendship, but not as close as a relationship. They communicate often, they enjoy each other's company without their significant other but don't have sex-yet. Most of the time women fall for men in this scenario because their man or woman at home isn't giving them enough attention. Of course this is all based on my opinion, not a professional's. I think this is the case for both men and women but more so for women. I think more specifically a man is hearing what he wants to hear. Maybe this other woman has similar interest his wife just doesn't have, maybe she's sexier than his wife and maybe she's flirtatious in a way his wife/girlfriend isn't anymore.

As an adult I find the line very thin in these situations. It's one thing to have lunch with a co-worker, during work, at work. It's another to meet a co-worker on a Sunday afternoon without your significant other. Some people think if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I don't think that one bit. There doesn't have to be any touching at all, it's the context of your conversations and the amount you spend with this person. I don't snoop through my husband's phone, text, emails etc I trust him completely. But I also know if he started talking about "Stacy" from work or school often, it would become a red flag. I almost prefer a sexual affair because that could be a one time mistake versus him having another woman he can confide in and possibly develop a relationship with.

I'm not a saint, I don't claim to be one so I'm going to tell you about the emotional affair I had. Now, believe me I understand that I was a lot younger, stupider and selfish but I don't think that means I couldn't have an emotional affair. Of course when I write about this I am mostly thinking about married couples but in my case, I was a teenager when this happened. I was dating this boy who at the time had been the only person I really loved. He was my everything, and I don't say that lightly. Long story short, he had a feeling I was cheating on him. I fought him to the nail telling him I wasn't! The truth is, looking back I was. I was having an emotional affair with another boy. This other boy was what I considered a close friend, but realistically we were hanging out and writing flirtatious notes to one another. I didn't consider it cheating because we never kissed or held hands or anything of that nature. The truth is I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I have learned from it and know the difference now between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair.


So I guess the point of this post is to make sure you are aware of your choices. Understand that disclosing personal information to a "friend" and meeting him for drinks after work may not be physically cheating, but could lead up to something worse. Emotional affairs hurt everyone involved and will only bring pain to you, your "friend" and your significant other.
EMM

Our Military Friends

My husband was in the military a little over 5 years. Throughout those 5 years he came to make some great friends. I came along around year 2 of his military life and I too made some life long friends. This post is dedicated to those who not only impacted our lives but still feel like family. Even though we may not see each other often, I know we can still count on these people as a support system. These individuals and couples will see our children grow up, will know us as a family, and be a part of our lives from here on out.

Justin and Shay are our closest military friends. We knew Justin first through the military and Shay eventually came into his life. These two are like family to us and while they live in Arizona, we when we do see them it's like we never parted ways. Aside from that they have created a darling little boy and have another one on the way. We love Jace and can't wait to meet your new baby. Thank you for being such wonderful friends and for keeping us just as involved in your lives 6 hours away.

Kevin is one of a kind. He is strong minded, strong willed, and just plain old strong. He is also one of our closest friends and probably the one we see the most. He always goes out of his way to come to our get together's even though he lives about 1.5 hours away. He is one of my husband's closest friend and a dear friend to me as well. These two are very similar when it comes to music, video games, and just people in general. We are grateful to have him in our lives.

Justin and Ashley are also great friends. Ashley is one of the smartest people I've known. on top of being beautiful! Justin snagged  good one! Justin is a kindhearted person, who is also intelligent to boot. While we haven't seen these two in years, it's an unspoken bond we have created with these two through the military. They are a wonderful couple, and we can't wait to be able to see them again soon.

Amanda and Raul are also great friends. We met them when my husband was stationed in Ventura. They weren't always dating but they started after awhile and are now married with a beautiful baby boy Damien. What baby? He's 2 years old now! They are a hardworking, dedicated couple that inspires me. I hope one day we can have a baby half as cute as Damien!

Blake is a Virginian baby with the blondest hair and the bluest eyes. At first he seemed a little sheltered but insanely intelligent. By sheltered I mean culturally, not in any other ways. He is a kind person who knows what he wants. I admire his sense of adventure as well as his loyalty to his friends. 

Kyla and Nate are two of the sweetest women I have ever met. I am only putting them together because I found this awesome picture I took of them at a BBQ once. They are strong women, who prove themselves in a man driven military. Kyla has the qualities of a "forever student" meaning she is always open to learning more than she does. Nate is a beautiful person inside and out. I felt so safe with her and she always has a special place in my heart.

Steph and Brady are a wonderful couple with a lot of love in their lives. They live far but have always been close in our hearts. They are one of the first couples we ever befriended. At first Brady was not fond of my husband and I was not fond of Steph. But how could you not fall in love with this girl once you get to know her? She is beautiful, literally a sight for sore eyes. Eventually Brady came to love my husband as well. They have an adorable little boy Corbin and another baby on the way. We will one day meet your babies Canadas!

Josh is Josh. There is no other way of putting it. He has the biggest heart I have even known ANYBODY to have. He falls in love easily, and that's because he is trusting, kind, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. He is also one of my husband's closest friends, as well as mine. He makes everyone around him comfortable. He has an amazing voice on top of all these wonderful qualities. 

Teachy is opinionated and strong minded. She sticks to her ground in any opposition and is firm her beliefs. She is also very suitable to give advice and lends a helping hand when needed. 

I don't have a picture of Mike and Iriana because well Mike doesn't have a Facebook and Iriana is very private with hers. These two recently came back into our lives after a little hiatus. They moved far and had a baby on top of Mike being deployed so life was a little busy. Now we love them just as much. They have two sweet little boys, Mikey and Diego who we adore. Mike and Iri and 2 friends we can count on and truly are life long friends.

It is important to me to express how special each of these individuals are to us. Not only have they helped us get through some difficult times, they bring joy and happiness into our lives. We've shared a lot of experiences together, especially through the military. It's nice to know God has blessed my husband and I with such amazing friends who will always, and I really mean this, always be our friends. We love you guys!

EMM