Are Married Men More Attractive?

Thinking back I've never been single as an adult. I reunited with my husband at 19 immediately after a long term relationship and we've been together ever since. Therefore I have no real experience with dating as an adult. I don't know the do's and don'ts and quite honestly I don't care to ever experience having to date again.

What is this leading to? Well, it's leading to the idea that single women are more attracted to married men. Are they? If so, why?  I asked some friends and they all said the same thing "Women who go after married men are skanks!" I was shocked! I mean, I don't disagree but I was trying to get to the real reason of it all. To my friends, the real reason doesn't matter, they're all skanks! I don't like that word, but in general I feel the same way. If any woman ever tried to go after my husband I would beat her ass to the ground after I beat his. To me, name calling wasn't the point. I wanted to know the psychological reasons as to why single women are more attracted to married men. I did some research but nothing official came up. In all fairness I didn't take this to journal searching or articles on the subject just a simple Google search but nothing I read made much sense or explained the reasons. It seemed like all Google could provide was basic information. So until I get enough interest on the subject I guess I will have to leave you with my own thoughts and reasons.

At first I thought it was because as women we want a man who can commit, provide and have the ability to love another person. A married man is a prime example of what women tend to want in a relationship. Married men are clearly able to provide all of those characteristics and then some. I also think that some single women get excited about the fact that it's an affair, it's secret, it's taboo and the thrill of getting caught is the best part. Either way, going after a married man is so inconsiderate and flat out degrading. If you are dating a married man the chances of him leaving his wife, and God forbid children, are slim to none. Should you actually get him to leave his wife or family, shame on you and also what's to stop him from doing it to you? It all goes back to women finding a "great" man and wanting or should I say hoping he will change for her. Being with a married man is nothing but drama, deceit and bad bad bad karma.

Part of me was hesitant to write about this topic. I don't like to judge people because it's their life, they're going to do what makes them happy regardless of what I say. But also because I personally know people who have done exactly this; both personally and in the media. Angelina Jolie went after Brad Pitt and he was married to Jennifer Aniston. Tell me, do we look at the Jolie-Pitt family and still think about Aniston's misery? No, we think they look happy and are finally getting married. But in the beginning, Angelina straight up stole Jennifer's husband. This was an extreme and of course we don't know the details of it all but we can assume that Angelina became Brad's mistress and look at their lives now. As for my personal friends/family, their lives were not ruined but definitely made more difficult. They certainly didn't get the fairy tale ending with a castle in France like Angelina but they learned. I don't judge them, I still love them but I can't say it was easy to over look their misdoings. The older I get the more I realized that everybody makes mistakes and it's important that we understand that. It's what that person who makes the mistake does after they realize what they have done. You can't grow unless you've made mistakes. This is not my way of excusing women who go after married men, but it is a way for me to express that while I don't agree with it doesn't mean those women aren't human either. All I can really say is I won't do it and I hope it never gets done to me.
EMM

Please DON'T You Be My Neighbor

I occasionally watch Jenna Marble's videos because they're hilarious. She made a video where she continuously vented about her neighbor who complained about Jenna and her friends being too loud. It got me thinking about all of the neighbors I've had throughout my life. So I thought I'd tell you a bit about some of my most memorable neighbors.

When I lived in Palm Springs (Cathedral City to be more exact) as a child we had some amazing neighbors. Well they were more like two houses down but they are seriously life long friends. We still catch up on each other's lives, attend important life events, and love each other to death. However, we had another neighbor who had this AMAZING tree on his front lawn. It was huge and every child's dream tree. He never let us climb it. Of course we did anyways, but he was a real dick about it.

While my husband was in the military I lived in one city and he lived in another about 2 hours away. He lived in a barracks room which is basically a hotel room with a kitchen. His neighbor, not his roommate, always had sex at like 3am with some girl and it lasted FOR......EV........ER! We used to call him the horse because he would go on, and on, and on, and on. Lucky bitch.

Once my husband was out of the Navy we finally got to live together, in the same apartment. It's actually the complex we live in now, just a different apartment. Our first neighbor there was an older lady, in her early 60's I would say. One day she came to the apartment at like 3pm to complain about the loud hip hop music I was playing. Thing is, I wasn't playing any hip hop! So after biting my head off, she realized it was my other neighbor and they had an all out war! My other neighbor left a nasty ass bag of beer in front of my old lady neighbor's door. My husband and I asked her to take out her trash because it was disgusting and beer was getting everywhere. She gave us attitude stating it wasn't her trash and she refused to take it out. We were in a rush so we just took off and when we returned, a building manager was washing the patio and taking the trash out.


That old lady moved out and we were excited, until we met the new neighbors. I swear there was like 6 of them and it was a one bedroom apartment! We called them the gypsies because every time we passed their apartments it smelled horribly! Like in using incense to cover up bad food and marijuana. They smoked all the time, which doesn't bother us, but because we were so close our apartment would sometimes smell like weed too. They were loud, annoying and they had a little boy (at least we think he was a little boy) who was never in school and always gave us the stink eye. He looked like a future hit man stuck in the body of an overweight 14 year old Armenian boy. Just plain creepy. They ended up blabbing about our precious Heisenberg and we had to move to a different apartment in the complex.

Now we are neighborless! Not necessarily we have people who live around us but we don't share walls with anyone, nobody next to us at all! BUT....we have Nathan. Nathan is a 5 year old little Asian boy who lives upstairs. He runs around like we don't live underneath him and is constantly coming to visit our puppy. Let me add we have a baby gate at the front door to avoid the dog running out and to keep Nathan from coming in. But his visits would last 20 minutes if we let it and he began throwing items into our apartment like rocks and balls. We now tell him after a few minutes to kindly get lost, but he doesn't really get it. The worst part is his parents just stand there allowing him to invade our privacy. However, on the rare occasion we catch Heisenberg before he bolts to the door, Nathan gets pissed off at the dog and yells in his adorable 5 year old voice "WHATEVER!"

All in all we've had some easy neighbors, some difficult ones, and some stinky ones but we've been pretty lucky. No dicks or complainers or partiers. I'm most scared of purchasing a home. What if we have terrible neighbors? We're stuck! I guess all I can do is pray we get people like ourselves. No matter where you live, just remember to have consideration for the people around you and enjoy life in peace.
EMM

The Justin-Bobby Effect

I was watching old re-runs of The Hills and it was the beginning of season 3 when Audrina starts going back and forth with Justin Bobby. We all know how that turned out but in case you don't she basically has this long time crush on Justin Bobby and had an on again off again relationship with him. He screwed up quite a few times, and yet she continued to go back to him over and over and over again. Why do we as women do this?

I can relate...

This struck a chord with me because to be honest I had someone like that in my life. I hate to admit it but I was sooooo Audrina in this situation. The guy that used to be in my life was an ex boyfriend and we dated on and off for all of high school. He cheated on me several times, he used me often and was a charmer to say the least. He knew my personality and knew exactly what he had to say to get me to give him one more chance. I went back to him at least 5-6 different times and those times we weren't "together" we were still flirting and close. What's worse is no matter how many people told me I deserved better, I never understood or agreed with them. I started having this conversation with my husband because I feel as though women in general (at least most women anyway) have that one man/woman in their lives that they shouldn't be with but are still pulled back every time. It's that person that knows exactly what to say and when to say it so it will stick with you. He's a smooth talker, tends to be easy on the eyes (in my case this guys was the closest thing to a gladiator I've ever seen), a cheater/player, constantly needing attention and doesn't really give a rat's ass what other's think. It is my opinion that women fall for this type of guy and constantly go back because we think he will change for us. We think that we are that person he finds worthy changing for. WRONG! I'm not saying all women have or have had this type of person in their lives but I think it's fairly common.

Yup, he did that too!

Then I started thinking about men and their lack of this type of person in their lives. First of all, I think women have better game than men so if they are those manipulative types, they are much better at hiding it. But I also think that men tend to have more of those "one that got away" ladies. Men have a harder time committing in a relationship and when he finds someone who is worthy of his time and commitment, he may not be ready for her....so she leaves. A few years go by, he's still single and he realizes what a dumb ass he was. Again, not all men have these women in their lives but I think they are more common than we think.

This post isn't about being with the wrong person or right person. It's about the differences between women and men. Women keep those "bad boys" around for as long as possible in hopes of changing them. Men get rid of the perfect woman to avoid a long term relationship or monogamy. I think all of this game play goes away the older you get. I got rid of my bad boy years and years ago and let me tell you, my life is so much less dramatic. I have more confidence in my abilities to read people, I have more confidence in my worth, and I know the difference between a real man and a boy playing games.
EMM

Easy Bake Oven vs. Action Figures

Watch this video. Go on, I'll give you a minute.....

What did you think? Are you not in LOVE with this little girl? First off, props to the parents of this little girl Riley for teaching her to speak her mind, ask questions and to realize the differences within people.

If you skipped the video I guess I'll tell you what she said. Basically she is questioning why all the girl toys are pink and princesses and all the boy toys are superheros and boy colors. She wants to know why boys can't buy pink princesses and why girls can't buy superheros! Her father brilliantely asks her why she thinks all the girl stuff is pink? She answers with the best answer possible, "The companies try to trick us!" Boy does she have it right!

From birth, boys and girls are constantly reminded of their gender roles. Girls' rooms are pink, all of their clothes are pink hues, they have bows, they have dolls and cute princess outfits. Boys' rooms are blue/green, with baseball borders, and outfits with trucks on them. As they get older they are  imbeaded with even more gender roles by giving the girls vacuum cleaning toys, kitchenette toys, Easy Bake Ovens, doll houses to take care of, as well as baby dolls; all insinuating that their worth is becoming a stay at home mother, who cleans house and takes care of the family. Or a princess. Where boys are given trucks, superheros and sporting equipment insinuating that they should aim to become a truck driving superhero that plays baseball! I'm not saying either is better but to me, clearly one sounds like a more demanding role than the other. Believe me, stay at home mothers are strong individuals and this is not a way for me to bash them. I just don't think it's right to instill in your daughter's head that being a stay at home mother is all there is to be. Just like letting your son run wild on the thought of becoming a professional baseball player isn't great either.

Here's the thing, how can you pass by those cute barbies and dolls and not get one for your sweet little girl? How can you pass by the new soccer ball for your rough and tumble son? It's hard but important to make sure they are aware of their roles as people, not boys or girls. It's important to teach your children the differences between the two, but also that being a stay at home dad is fine, being a firefighting woman is fine, being a janitor is fine! As long as you love it, it's fine.

I'm not a fan of treating girls like they're delicate little creatures, just like I'm not a fan of treating boys like they need to get over everything so easily. But women who are brought up this way are considered cold hearted bitches, and men are considered pussies. Who knows how we will end up raising our children but I guess for now I can say that I hope we can bring them up teaching them it's ok to ask questions and it's acceptable for them to play with any toy without any judgement from me or their father. However others judging them is the real issue. I guess I'll leave you with this, next time you see a boy playing with a doll, or a girl who's attached to an Iron Man action figure, just know they're comfortable with who they are, and you should be too.
EMM

Emotional Affairs

Remember that movie "I Think I Love My Wife" with Chris Rock? If you haven't seen it SPOILER ALERT, he basically has an emotional affair with this girl Nikki and almost has an actual sexual affair with her. I was singing "No Sex in the Champagne Room" by Chris Rock while cleaning my bathroom and that movie came to my thoughts. Now that I write often, I get inspiration from everything I can. The movie struck a conversation with my husband and we both agreed that emotional affairs are just as bad as sexual affairs. I guess sometimes it can be worse if you can imagine.

For those of you who don't know what an emotional affair it can be easily described as two people developing a relationship that's deeper than friendship, but not as close as a relationship. They communicate often, they enjoy each other's company without their significant other but don't have sex-yet. Most of the time women fall for men in this scenario because their man or woman at home isn't giving them enough attention. Of course this is all based on my opinion, not a professional's. I think this is the case for both men and women but more so for women. I think more specifically a man is hearing what he wants to hear. Maybe this other woman has similar interest his wife just doesn't have, maybe she's sexier than his wife and maybe she's flirtatious in a way his wife/girlfriend isn't anymore.

As an adult I find the line very thin in these situations. It's one thing to have lunch with a co-worker, during work, at work. It's another to meet a co-worker on a Sunday afternoon without your significant other. Some people think if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I don't think that one bit. There doesn't have to be any touching at all, it's the context of your conversations and the amount you spend with this person. I don't snoop through my husband's phone, text, emails etc I trust him completely. But I also know if he started talking about "Stacy" from work or school often, it would become a red flag. I almost prefer a sexual affair because that could be a one time mistake versus him having another woman he can confide in and possibly develop a relationship with.

I'm not a saint, I don't claim to be one so I'm going to tell you about the emotional affair I had. Now, believe me I understand that I was a lot younger, stupider and selfish but I don't think that means I couldn't have an emotional affair. Of course when I write about this I am mostly thinking about married couples but in my case, I was a teenager when this happened. I was dating this boy who at the time had been the only person I really loved. He was my everything, and I don't say that lightly. Long story short, he had a feeling I was cheating on him. I fought him to the nail telling him I wasn't! The truth is, looking back I was. I was having an emotional affair with another boy. This other boy was what I considered a close friend, but realistically we were hanging out and writing flirtatious notes to one another. I didn't consider it cheating because we never kissed or held hands or anything of that nature. The truth is I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I have learned from it and know the difference now between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair.


So I guess the point of this post is to make sure you are aware of your choices. Understand that disclosing personal information to a "friend" and meeting him for drinks after work may not be physically cheating, but could lead up to something worse. Emotional affairs hurt everyone involved and will only bring pain to you, your "friend" and your significant other.
EMM

Our Military Friends

My husband was in the military a little over 5 years. Throughout those 5 years he came to make some great friends. I came along around year 2 of his military life and I too made some life long friends. This post is dedicated to those who not only impacted our lives but still feel like family. Even though we may not see each other often, I know we can still count on these people as a support system. These individuals and couples will see our children grow up, will know us as a family, and be a part of our lives from here on out.

Justin and Shay are our closest military friends. We knew Justin first through the military and Shay eventually came into his life. These two are like family to us and while they live in Arizona, we when we do see them it's like we never parted ways. Aside from that they have created a darling little boy and have another one on the way. We love Jace and can't wait to meet your new baby. Thank you for being such wonderful friends and for keeping us just as involved in your lives 6 hours away.

Kevin is one of a kind. He is strong minded, strong willed, and just plain old strong. He is also one of our closest friends and probably the one we see the most. He always goes out of his way to come to our get together's even though he lives about 1.5 hours away. He is one of my husband's closest friend and a dear friend to me as well. These two are very similar when it comes to music, video games, and just people in general. We are grateful to have him in our lives.

Justin and Ashley are also great friends. Ashley is one of the smartest people I've known. on top of being beautiful! Justin snagged  good one! Justin is a kindhearted person, who is also intelligent to boot. While we haven't seen these two in years, it's an unspoken bond we have created with these two through the military. They are a wonderful couple, and we can't wait to be able to see them again soon.

Amanda and Raul are also great friends. We met them when my husband was stationed in Ventura. They weren't always dating but they started after awhile and are now married with a beautiful baby boy Damien. What baby? He's 2 years old now! They are a hardworking, dedicated couple that inspires me. I hope one day we can have a baby half as cute as Damien!

Blake is a Virginian baby with the blondest hair and the bluest eyes. At first he seemed a little sheltered but insanely intelligent. By sheltered I mean culturally, not in any other ways. He is a kind person who knows what he wants. I admire his sense of adventure as well as his loyalty to his friends. 

Kyla and Nate are two of the sweetest women I have ever met. I am only putting them together because I found this awesome picture I took of them at a BBQ once. They are strong women, who prove themselves in a man driven military. Kyla has the qualities of a "forever student" meaning she is always open to learning more than she does. Nate is a beautiful person inside and out. I felt so safe with her and she always has a special place in my heart.

Steph and Brady are a wonderful couple with a lot of love in their lives. They live far but have always been close in our hearts. They are one of the first couples we ever befriended. At first Brady was not fond of my husband and I was not fond of Steph. But how could you not fall in love with this girl once you get to know her? She is beautiful, literally a sight for sore eyes. Eventually Brady came to love my husband as well. They have an adorable little boy Corbin and another baby on the way. We will one day meet your babies Canadas!

Josh is Josh. There is no other way of putting it. He has the biggest heart I have even known ANYBODY to have. He falls in love easily, and that's because he is trusting, kind, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. He is also one of my husband's closest friends, as well as mine. He makes everyone around him comfortable. He has an amazing voice on top of all these wonderful qualities. 

Teachy is opinionated and strong minded. She sticks to her ground in any opposition and is firm her beliefs. She is also very suitable to give advice and lends a helping hand when needed. 

I don't have a picture of Mike and Iriana because well Mike doesn't have a Facebook and Iriana is very private with hers. These two recently came back into our lives after a little hiatus. They moved far and had a baby on top of Mike being deployed so life was a little busy. Now we love them just as much. They have two sweet little boys, Mikey and Diego who we adore. Mike and Iri and 2 friends we can count on and truly are life long friends.

It is important to me to express how special each of these individuals are to us. Not only have they helped us get through some difficult times, they bring joy and happiness into our lives. We've shared a lot of experiences together, especially through the military. It's nice to know God has blessed my husband and I with such amazing friends who will always, and I really mean this, always be our friends. We love you guys!

EMM

The Other Woman

I was watching that show "The Talk" and they had Rielle Hunter on the show. For all of you who don't know who she is, she's John Edward's mistress with whom he had a child with. I guess you could say she is this decade's Monica Lewinsky. However I will say Monica had more class, even with the sperm on her dress. On this specific interview they were asking her tough questions; in my opinion not tough enough. This woman had the balls to write a tell all book about her affair with the ex presidential candidate. In the book she goes into details about the affair, how they had sex the first night they met, all of the gory details American's want to hear. What baffled me is her "surprise" to the questions they were asking her. Things like, and I'm paraphrasing, "You're a grown ass woman, how did you get pregnant at 43 knowing about condoms, birth control, depo shots etc.?" She looked confused and said "I just didn't think I could get pregnant. All of my friends had children, but I didn't, so I didn't think it was possible." WHAT?! I'm sorry, she's in her 40's right? Not 15? Seriously the stupidest thing I've heard a grown woman say. Watching her interview pissed me off. I'm a real advocate for blaming the person in the relationship who cheated (in this case John Edwards) not the other woman/man. But in this case I have to say this woman was insensitive to the fact that John Edwards wife had cancer and was insensitive to the fact that he had children. This woman wrote a tell all book and yet is still conservative with her answers to these SHOCKING questions. I don't get women like that. Clearly she seeks attention and is trying to elongate her 15 minutes of fame into 20. I'm pissed I'm even writing about her to be honest.

Watching this made me think about all the "other" women out there. You know I guess part of me wants to say we as women should stick together and if there's a man who is married or taken, step away. The other part of me knows how manipulative men can be so some women genuinely don't know these men are taken. So to me, the most important person in this scenario is the man or woman who cheated. Unless there is an agreement between the couple, the person who cheated should absolutely be the one to blame.

True story time....I was in a toxic relationship for years on and off. I've written about this guy several times. He will remain nameless cause I don't need that drama back in my life. But he is the person who was my security blanket. He made me feel good about myself when I was most vulnerable so I continued to go back to him on a regular basis. Anyways, we were dating for awhile at one point when he moved out of state for work. Long story short he came to visit me and I saw a picture he had taken of a girl sitting on top of him topless (almost as if it were during sex ewww). I didn't say anything to him because it just confirmed what he had been doing all along. I found her number and kept it stashed away. After he left, I sent her a text and she immediately called me apologizing. She didn't even know he had a girlfriend! We both broke it off with him and are now distant friends.

This is what I mean about him being the only one to blame. He cheated, he lied, he was manipulative and he took advantage of both of us. She was an innocent bystander, well not so innocent I guess with that photo I saw ;) but innocent enough.

All of this being said, when the other woman has it out to purposely steal your husband, get knocked up or God forbid write a tell all book, she does have a hint of home wrecker in her. Considering how almost all women have been cheated on, we should really try to remember how it felt and avoid being the other woman. We all deserve to be THE woman to a very special man.
EMM