Teenage Dream

I was at a local park yesterday in Aliso Viejo with 2 little girls (ages 5 & 6) when I came across a teenage couple making out. I don't mean pecs on the lips, or even a one time kiss hello. I mean full on, straddling, making out on a swing. Now this park is a small one, you can pretty much see the entire thing from anywhere you sit. It's a community park meaning only the people who live in the community can access it. These teenagers had to have been around 13-14 years old. Boy was sitting on the swing, girl was sitting on top straddling him, and they were making out, the entire time we were there. Eventually they moved it to the slide where she continued to straddle him and then continue to make out. Part of me was disgusted and shocked! These kids had no hesitation or consideration of their surroundings. Children running around them, swinging next to them, playing in the sand. Then another part of me remembered what it was like....

This reminded me of a time when I was young and in "love". I used to meet boys at the part, library, anywhere really. I don't think I ever made out like these two did in public but there would be some definite kissing. I remember feeling like those teenagers did. Why is teenage love so much more exciting? I love my husband but there is no way in hell we'd be making out at a park while I wrap my legs around him on a swing. It just wouldn't happen.

The passion of teenage love is so interesting to me. It's new, fresh, hormones are high and it's just the perfect storm. I remember my first kiss and how amazing I felt afterward. I remember the first boyfriend I had and how I wanted to spend every waking minute with him. I remember the first time a boy danced with me in middle school, I didn't wash my dress because it smelled like him. Young love is such a phenomenon. It's given to those too young to really know what to do with it.

I asked my husband why he thought teenage love moved so....fast? He said "We did." I realized we were teenagers when we started dating. We were 19 years old, and in love within 3 months. We got engaged 6 months after dating, and married 1.5 years after dating. Obviously I don't think it was a mistake, he's the love of my life. But looking back I can see why my parents were having a heart attack. Most of the times these young loves don't work out. In our case it is and hopefully will continue to blossom.

So what started out to be a creepy park situation, ended up bringing up memories of teenage lust. I don't condone public displays of affection that are inappropriate, but I guess part of me was a little envious of what they had. That young, can't keep my hands off of you, what may seem like forever love. Then I came back to reality and understood the importance of having a life long partner, rather than a guy to go to prom with.
EMM

Primos

Mackrina, Xochilt & Marlene

Me & Melissa

Cousins by blood, friends by choice. That is simply how I describe my relationship with my cousins. Please let me be clear here, I have a lot of what Americans might call 1st cousins. However in the Latiin world, everyone is your cousin. If you are the same age and grew up together you're cousins. If someone is older than you by 15 years they're your aunt or uncle (even if they really are your 3rdor 4th cousin). I even have family friends who have no blood relation who I consider my cousins and aunts and uncles. I just wanted to clarify this to my readers so you don't think I have 50 first cousins.

Nikki & Kristyn

Juan & his baby boy

Growing up I had a solid 9 cousins in my life. These people were anywhere between 10 years older to 5 years younger than me. They were my play mates, enemies, sisters, brothers and best of all friends. I was the youngest for awhile so I had a hard time because I was the baby. But as I got older that changed. I grew closer to them, understanding them, seeking their advice. My cousin Melissa is like the sister I never had. I still go to her now when I need help or the brutal honest truth. Marlene is my younger cousin but has the wisdom of an older generation. Nikki is the cousin I go to for a wicked good time. Juan has the morals of a Godly man. Mackrina has the heart of a saint. Kristyn has the artistic ability I wish I had. Turtle has the family I will one day create. Xochilt completely embodies our culture as Mexican women. And Lupe has the strength of 10 men.

Turtle & his family

I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I know that if there was ever a time when I needed any one of those individuals they would be here in a heart beat (God permitting). It brings me such joy to know I have that much love in my family. You have no idea now crucial it is to have that type of bond and support in your life.

Lupe

I should also say that I have a lot of other cousins I didn't mention because they are so far away, or honestly, we aren't that close. These 9 specific people were the people who were in my life daily. So I graciously dedicate this blog to all my wonderful cousins. I love you more than you'll know. You're my past, present and future. You're all a piece of my childhood that can never be lost. I treasure that more than you know.
EMM

Battle Hymm of the Crazy Mother!

A few months ago I heard about a controversial book on Chinese mothers and how they raise their children. The idea sounded so interesting I immediately purchased the book on iTunes. It sat in my library for months until I finished reading a few other books. It was time to pick a new book so I looked through my library and found it. Let me tell you, I could not put the damn thing down. It is a super easy read, not intimidating at all. The chapters are short and the book is a mere 250 pages.

At first I was glued to the book because I despised the author. I thought, and still think, she is an overbearing mother who pushes her children too far. That being said, by the end of the book I found myself sympathizing with her and rooting her on. I'm not sure exactly when I flipped sides but I can seriously say I was cursing this woman's name for a solid 200 pages. She never abused her children by any means, but she was mean and cruel to her daughters. Calling them names, demeaning them, and treating them like they are disappointments. I really did not like that she called her parenting style "Chinese parenting" while everyone else in the world (with a few exceptions) were Westerners. First of all, every individual parent is different from every other one. I'm not a mother yet, but I do work with children and I know that I have to change teaching techniques to each individual child's needs. And I only have them for 6 hours a day! So calling everyone else Westerners really bothered me.

I didn't decide to write a blog on this book to bash the author. Quite frankly I think she got enough shit when the book first came out. I am here to recommend all of you read it. While I don't understand or agree with her parenting style, I do respect it. Hey the woman has insanely intelligent, musically gifted, kind, independent daughters. Had she not been the way she was with them, they may have been mediocre children.

So if you get a chance splurge the $9.99 and buy the book. I'm telling you if you're a woman you will go nuts, if you're a mother you'll scream, but if you really just want another perspective on a different culture's parenting style this is the book to read.

EMM

Sugar Momma

According to Urban Dictionary, Sugar Momma: A woman  (often an older woman) who holds her man/woman in nice standing with money, food, an apartment, etc-not always used in a derogatory fashion, or merely in exchange for sex, but because she can.


I watch that show "Bethenny Ever After" with Bethenny Frankel. For those of you who don't know she invented the Skinny Girl Margarita and has since become a very successful and wealthy woman. I don't know the details but I do know she made a huge deal with Jim Beam for approximately $120 million dollars! Let me say she was already married when she struck this deal, her husband even helped her make the deal (according to the show). Once she became a multi-millionaire her husband seemed to be bothered with the fact that she was now more successful than he. There were plenty of arguments
between the 2 on the show about money, his career,
their life, her success, etc.


When I watch this show and explain the situation to my husband we both think he's crazy! I can tell you right now if I made $120 million dollars my husband would be VERY comfortable using my success to buy cars, homes, games, computers, I mean whatever he wanted! He would have no issue with the fact that I made the money. I wouldn't either to be honest. What's mine is his and what's his is mine.


I don't know how the average man feels about this but I think it's becoming more and more acceptable to men for women to be the breadwinners of the household. I hate using the word "acceptable" because it makes it seem like women are allowed to make more money now, but I use it because it's the proper word to use in this situation. I think older generations, like my parents, would consider a woman making more money to be a bit of a struggle for the man. Men of this age seem to feel insecure and degraded. I absolutely disagree with these feelings.


Women work hard, why shouldn't we be able to spoil our men? It's romantic and expected of men to bring home the bacon, but when a woman does it, it's a strike at their ego? I don't think so! I know my husband and male friends would LOVE to have a sugar momma! I can't imagine that as women we care if we make more money than our significant other. I mean we want equality, we want the same rights as them, we want equal opportunity. That being said, we should be comfortable with our men spending the money we make. Is being a sugar momma a step forward in feminism? I don't want to get into that whole debate but I do think we as women are making progress in breaking that glass ceiling. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some cupcakes!
EMM

Happy Medium

As it turns out I am a big, no HUGE, fan of mediums. I watched every episode of the show "Medium" I watch "Long Island Medium" and almost all shows relating to communicating with the dead. I find it interesting; most likely because I have lost a LOT of people in my life. A close girlfriend of mine recently went to a medium to try and communicate with her father who passed several years ago. She was fairly young when she lost him and I'm sure felt the need to receive closure. I was so interested in the topic I probably annoyed her with too many questions about her experience. See, I have been wanting for years to go to a medium. My fear is losing my money and losing my faith. There are so many scams out there and I am the type of person who would believe everything they say. So part of me knows I have a gullible side, and that's mostly what's holding me back. After she shared her experience with me, I really got on the search for a reliable medium in the Orange County area. I found a few that seemed legit. I have to do a bit more research but I decided I will get a reading sooner rather than later!

I'm sure you all have your own personal beliefs about this, whether you're for or against it. Maybe religious beliefs, personal beliefs or personal experiences. My feelings are that I am open to the experience. I am open to hearing what any of my loved ones have to say. I am open to it all; the good the bad and the ugly. There are so many unanswered questions I have for several of my lost loved ones. My girlfriend said "My life is changed forever" and I really believe her. Why would she lie to me? I'm not looking to have my life changed necessarily but I am looking to get closure with some of my lost friends and family. I am mostly interested in talking with them because I miss them so much.

So after I have my own reading (which could take months or years before I get an appointment) I will absolutely share my experience with you all. Maybe it will help you find relief from your own grief or maybe it will confirm your thoughts that I am crazy! Either way after talking to my friend, I know this is for me. Wish me luck!
EMM

Happy Mother's Day Mom

My beautiful mother and I

Due to some work responsibilities I couldn't go down to visit my mother this year for mother's day. It saddened me, and her as well but I don't really need a day for her to know how much she means to me. I did however think it would be sweet to write my next blog about her and to her, just to remind her how much she means to me. 

Playing, circa 1986-1987

My mom and I haven't always seen eye to eye. In fact up until I was nearly an adult I was always a daddy's girl. She was the disciplinarian in our household and was a strict parent. That lead me to have a better relationship with my father growing up. He just treated me like a princess, which absolutely sounded better than being grounded or in trouble. But then at about 17 or so that shifted. My mom and I became best friends. I don't know if I changed or if she did but we became very close.

Clearly not wanting her picture taken
1990-1991

Once we began having this blessed mother/daughter relationship I started to notice her wonderful qualities. *Please note, she always portrayed these qualities I was just too young and stubborn to notice them* My mom is one of a kind. She is full of love, kindness and generosity. It is because of her (and my dad) that I am the woman I am today. I remember in high school, my mom was reading my senior yearbook. She started tearing up, so of coarse I inquired. She said to me "Look at all the wonderful things people are saying to you and about you." What she may not have realized at that moment was that they were paying tribute to her good doing. My mother has taught me everything I know, she is all that I am and all that I hope to one day be. Sure she has her flaws, as we all do. But there is nobody in the world like her.

We were both brace face!

Recently my mom has been going through a lot, and that's putting it lightly. But through it all she's always assured me that she loves me, supports me, and will always be there for me. I knew that would never change but even though she was going through the rough time, I was still a priority. In my entire life she has always made me a priority. Obviously to me this is a given, I mean she is my mother and I am her daughter. But to know my entire life, no matter how mad I was at times, I could always count on her is a blessing I do not take for granted. My mother has a distinct way of making me (and anyone really) feel like what I do, say and share is important. I can't thank her enough for teaching me that my voice is important.

Mom, you know how much I love you. I am so proud of the woman you are becoming and I really never thought I would say that. Not so much because I didn't think I would ever be proud of you, but because I thought you were already the best version of yourself. Now I see clearly that you are becoming the best version of yourself. I am excited to see what the future hold for our family and our relationship. Thank you for always supporting my decisions, my ambitions and my life. You are the epitome of what it is to be a wonderful mother. Thank you for showing me my way, for teaching me to love and be loved and for giving me the power to be a strong woman. I love you more than you'll ever know.

I also want to take a minute to thank all the women in my life who are or at one point in my life were distant mothers to me. As I'm sure you all know, being a mother doesn't necessarily mean you have to have given birth to a child. These are the women who love me like their own and showed me support throughout my life. Some I see often, others I see on occasion, some I haven't seen in years! It doesn't matter to me though, because at some time during my 26 years of life, these remarkable women provided me with support, love and advice like you couldn't believe. Thank you to all of you ladies for helping me grow into the woman I am today. My grandmothers Tita and Mama Carmela, Tia Yolanda, Tia Karen, my godmother Nina, Tia Licha, Tia Tere, Tia Julia, Tia Coco, Tia Angelica, Tia Blanca, Ruth, Laura, Janice and Kim. While I didn't have pictures of all of you, I hope you all have a wonderful mother's day and know that I dedicate this post to my mother, but all of you as well. I love you all.

EMM

Cohabitation

I heard a statistic that kind of blew my mind and thought I'd share it with you all. Apparently it is in your favor not to live with your significant other before marriage. 57% of couples lasted 20 years or more if they didn't live together before marriage. This is compared o 47% of couples who lasted that long living together prior to their nuptials. I thought in modern days couples live together before marriage to find out if they are compatible on a whole new level. I would think they find the issues early on and determine if marriage is a good or bad decision with that specific person. Why do you think this is not the case? I mean, if you live together moving out is much easier than divorcing. I assume most people who live together before marriage make a better life choice with that person knowing them on a more personal level than those who don't live together before marriage. My only reasoning for this statistic is that those who don't move in together before marriage tend to be more traditional in nature and in life. To me, this means they are less likely to divorce their partner period. Living together first isn't a crazy idea but it definitely is more modern. Modern couples, I feel, are less likely to stay in a marriage for the sake of appearances or other's happiness. Of coarse, this is just my opinion.

In my case, I didn't live with my husband until after we were married. We didn't have the choice because we were in a long distance relationship. Heck, we didn't actually start living together until about year 3 of our marriage due to the military separation. We technically had an apartment together, but he was only really there on weekends. However, if living together before marriage was an option I honestly think we would have taken it. In the beginning stages of your committed relationship you want to be with that person 24/7, so living together is an answer to your prayers. That being said, I don't believe in spending every waking minute with your significant other. Before our wedding, we had our individual lives and interest stay a priority because what's the point of losing yourself? Don't get me wrong every weekend I had available I'd drive 6 hours to see him, but if we missed a couple of weeks it didn't hurt our relationship.

I'm not opposed to either idea, what works for you works for me. I just want more marriages to last 20+ years period!
EMM