On The Hook

I remember watching and old episode of How I Met Your Mother about some of the main characters keeping someone "on the hook" and the reasons why they did it. First let me explain what "on the hook" means and I'll proceed with the post. Keeping someone on the hook basically means keeping someone around and maybe possibly liking them one day, but not right now. You see sometimes we find a person we think we can be with but at the moment things are not ideal. Regardless of the reasons or motives behind those reasons, we are still hurting another human being by making them think there is still a chance, even if there isn't. Barney from How I Met Your Mother painted the perfect picture about how keeping someone on the hook gives somebody false hope.

                                         
This reminded of a time I had a man, well a boy considering this story is from when we were 16 years old, who absolutely adored me. He was sweet, kind, and a really good friend. I knew he was interested in me and to be fair I tried for months to find hidden feelings for him, but to no avail. He even made me a Kotton Mouth King Cd you guys, and nothing. I must admit, I kept him on the hook for too long, and lead him on a bit because I was trying to figure out my feelings for him, but also because ultimately I knew we were better off friends and letting him "off the hook" so to speak, would require losing a friend I've grown close to. I did end up losing him as a friend over time. Looking back I'm not sure if it was because we'd never be together or what but I lost him. I learned my lesson, and never kept a man on the hook ever again. Of course this whole keeping someone on the line is different for every specific person and situation but I believe there are some common reasons that covers a lot of situations. Here are my personal opinions on why people keep someone "on the hook".

1) They are choosing between you and someone else
I find this is often he case because they aren't committed to either one of you so they find it acceptable to keep you both on the hook until they make their decision. They figure, "What's the harm? We're not exclusive." Now this may be true but if you've been "dating" or "talking" for more than a few months I think it's safe to say you shouldn't be figuring things out with someone else also.


2) Avoid loneliness at all cost
Human beings get lonely and sometimes having that person that adores you, even if you don't necessarily adore them back, can help ease the pain of loneliness. It's really not fair to the person who thinks they may have a shot with you. I must admit I've done this before and I ended up hurting his feelings, and ultimately lost a friend over it years and years ago.

3) Good physical attraction
A lot of people these days hook up with their friends of the opposite sex because they feel they have needs but then it can become more for one person. This is where physical intimacy can cause confusion and heartache when there is no commitment. Keeping someone on the hook for this reason is selfish and really deceiving in my opinion.

4) Mutual friends/Get along with their family
Keeping someone on the hook because you like their family or because you have mutual friends isn't a reason to keep them around if you have no intention of ever being with them. I can personally understand this reason a little bit because I probably stayed in a relationship with someone too long because I loved his family so much. It was hard to let them go but ultimately I couldn't stay with someone simply for this reason; just like you can't keep someone on the hook for this reason as well.

5) They really do just see you as their friend and they don't want to break your heart or lose you
Man this one is so close to my heart because I've both done this to someone else (story from above) and had this happen to me. I really liked this boy back in high school. For years I had a crush on him but we remained friends only for whatever reason. Finally there was a day we had an opportunity to possibly be more but ultimately he wasn't interested. I was heartbroken because I felt like the friendship wouldn't be the same anymore. He was nice about it all, and explained this exact reasoning to me, but I was 15 and immature! I ran to my friends and wallowed in my sorrows.


I'm sure at one point or another we've all been on the hook or kept someone on the hook, especially in our younger years. Hey I'm not judging guys, I've done worse. As long as you aren't out there keeping every person on some sort of hook, I don't think it's the end of the world if you've done this before. If you've been kept on the hook my apologies, and sympathies because I have been where you have been. I have walked off the plank into the deep blue ocean known as the friend zone. That's a whole other topic for a future post....but know you're not alone. Until next time.

xoxo
-e