HoH

Should your man be the head of your household?

Gosh this sounds so old school because when people think head of the household they think this...

But what I mean is a leader for our family, someone who protects us under all circumstances and is dependable. Let me start by saying in my eyes, yes I feel as though my man should be the head of our household (HoH). In fact, I believe he is. He protects our family, he provides and the best way I can describe it is by saying he is the umbrella that we all stand underneath to protect us from rainy days. Now I like to think of myself as a modern old fashioned woman (I hope that makes sense). Some people think "head of the household" means he makes more money, makes decisions for the family, is a spiritual guider, and a little macho vista. That might be true in some homes. When I think of our home, my husband is the person who leads us by example, but doesn't tell me what to do, how to dress, where to shop, etc. He does help run our home by doing chores, cooking dinners and taking care of our pup but most importantly he helps run our home by providing and making sure we are taken care of emotionally and physically.

Let me give you an example of my husband being "head of the household". If I get disturbing news, he steps up and takes care of me, he expresses his opinions and if need be stands up for me. He takes hold of the situation so that he protects me while still maintaining sensitivity to the situation. If someone hurts me he always remembers. If somebody says something hurtful to or about me he defends me. If we were overcome with zombies, he would be my Rick Grimes. I feel safe, comforted, important and protected by my husband.

When I took this to Facebook I got a couple of "He wears the pants but I tell him what pants to wear". I heard that before on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" except the mother in that movie said "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants" Similar concepts right? I understand how that type of home runs as well because I think that's how my parents ran our home when I was younger. My dad was the typical Mexican man of the house when it came to some situations, however my mother was much more of the head of the household in most situations. She made decisions for our family based on what she thought would be best for us. This doesn't mean they never consulted with one another about details pertaining to our family, but she was clearly the head of our home.

I say whatever dynamic works for you is great. Every family is different. Our dynamic might change once we have children but for now this works wonderfully!
EMM

Love Is Easy

Over the last few months I have noticed people writing and talking about their relationships in a way that seems so unnecessarily difficult. I often think to myself "Love doesn't need to be so hard." Look I know more than the next person that relationships take a lot of work, communication, trust and honesty. However I don't feel as though love itself and being with the person you love (if you've been blessed enough to find them) is that difficult. Life is difficult, but that love is pure and simple.

I'm not kidding when I say that some people have daily struggles with their relationships. To me that doesn't seem healthy. It's healthy to argue, it's healthy to be able to spend some *agreed*  time apart, it's healthy to bicker every once in awhile. It is not healthy to break up every time the sun goes down, it's not healthy to bash that person on Facebook for the world to see and it most certainly is not healthy to feel as though you can't move forward should they leave you.That to me is not love, that to me is lust. The person you love should make you a better person, or at least make you want to aim to be a better person. You should strive on their energy, learn from them, feel supported by them, feel safe with them and most importantly they should be your best friend. Your love should never be threatened by them being with you or not. Your heart should feel safe with that person because among all, that person will protect you and their love for you.

My marriage isn't perfect, nobody's is. I understand some people are happy with their relationships even though to me it seems stressful. I'm not judging anyone but if you find yourself feeling more unhappy than happy, it's time to reevaluate and fix it or move on. I'm sure I'll get a lot of disagreements but that's ok. I'm blissfully happy with my husband and that's all the matters to me.
EMM

The Scoop

I think it's time I officially come out and say exactly what's going on with me. While some aspects of my personal life are far too personal to share there are some aspects that I think are appropriate to write about.

These past 10 months have been the most difficult 10 months of my life. It started out with my parents separating after 31 years of marriage and my mom moving even further away than she already is. You know when you think "How can things possibly get any worse?" Well I guess I tempted the universe because they continued to get worse every week. Besides the divorce getting quite complicated and plain old ugly I lost 3 different jobs in the last 10 months. Which means I have been on the job hunt 4 times throughout the last year. It is discouraging because I know my capabilities and worth, but my confidence has definitely been hit. I then unexpectedly got a massive kidney stone and ended up in the ER (which lead to an even bigger medical bill). Finally, I lost my relationship with my father. No, he didn't pass away but the relationship we had did. He is not the person I thought he was. I am the type of person who see's things clearly and morally. Your actions are either right, or wrong, no in between. Of course there are some exceptions to the rule but for the most part I feel as though people know what they are doing is either right, or wrong. He was doing wrong. He was not remorseful. He was not apologetic. He was not upset. Some of you might think "Dang EMM, you are being a bit judgmental. He's your dad. He's always going to be your dad." You're all right to an extent. I have been working with my therapist on this issue because I know that while I loathe what he did, I need to come to terms with it. That doesn't mean my relationship with him will ever be the same if we even have one again.

The other new development in my life is severe anxiety. Not with all situations, in fact just with one. I live about 1.5hrs away from my birthplace/home town. Over the last 6 months I have not been able to go back. At first I thought it was just because I wanted to stay away from the drama my parent's divorce was causing. After a couple of months of therapy I realize it is a far deeper rooted issue than I originally thought. I was supposed to go down next weekend for a visit. Over the last few days I've had anxiety attacks about the trip and essentially become inconsolable for a short time. I can't do it. I'm not ready to do it yet. For whatever reason (that I haven't figured out yet) I can't drive the 100 miles down there. This is far more difficult to admit than you all may think. You see I come from a family full of strong independent women. For me to admit defeat or weakness is very difficult. My husband said something that really made me understand why I feel the way I feel "If you don't tell anybody you aren't fine, how do you expect them to try and help you or understand why you haven't been yourself lately?" He's right. I tell everyone I'm fine as a way to avoid questions, sympathy or help because I'm supposed to be able to handle this all myself. The truth is though, I'm not fine. I'm not ok. I'm not taking this with a grain of salt.

That's why I've been seeking help for the last few months. It has helped me in a sense of figuring out who I am and why I think the way I do. It's also helped me accomplish some of my personal goals. While I'm not quite there yet, I do know that one day I will be fine. I will be ok. I will move past this. Until then, I hope my closest friends and family understand that I am doing my best. I am working on taking care of myself. I am trying. I just hope I have all of your support, which never seems to be too much to ask from such wonderful people because I know that the people who truly care for me will always understand and always be there for me.

For now let me leave you with this, I am still me. I am still EMM. I am stronger than I ever thought possible but I do have weaknesses, and that's ok with me. I just hope it's ok with all of you. Thanks for all of your support.
EMM

Forgive & Forget

It's something people always say, "I can forgive you but I will never forget what you did". It's one of those statements that I thought related to cheating and cheating alone. After the year that I have been having I find that to be furthest from the truth. This statement can be used in many different aspects of my life now and as I've mentioned before, forgiving may not even be an option.

However for the sake of this blog let's say it relates to cheating significant others who get caught. Is it possible to forgive and forget? I don't think so! I think it's absolutely possible to forgive when it comes to matters of the heart. I also happen to think when it relates to someone near and dear to you it is also impossible to forget. I know for me personally I was cheated on several times (for the record, never by my husband) and I never forgot what that person did to me. The pain subsided, the memory faded but the fact that they hurt me as bad as they did was always in the back of my head. I wasn't perfect and in the past I've cheated as well. I can only imagine the boys I cheated on still remember what I did to them. Or maybe not, men tend to be forgetful and hold less of a grudge but that doesn't make it any less hurtful.

That brings up another topic altogether; is it easier for men to forgive and forget than it is for women? I personally think it is easier for men. As previously stated men tend to move on quickly, forgive quickly and forget quickly. Women on the other hand want to know all the details of what happened, when, where, how, with who, how long, how many times, is she better, blah blah blah. We are so sick ladies! But it's the truth is it not? Don't we as women want to know the details even though we know it will hurt? I think it's because we don't want to be surprised with any other information that may come up in the future. Anyways, I digress; women do take cheating personally and therefore we will NEVER forget.

I don't know maybe I'm the only crazy woman out there that doesn't forget but I doubt it. I think it is honorable to be able to do so and I envy you but I'm not that progressive. I applaud you people out there who are able to forgive and forget because it is easier said than done.
EMM