Breaking Up is Hard to Do

My 16 year old niece just went through her first break up. She was having a hard time with it and we talked a few times about what she was going through. Not that I'm trying to gain from her break up but it got me thinking about how hard breaking up is. I haven't had to do it in over 6years! But that doesn't mean I don't remember the heartache that comes with one. In my opinion there are three ways to break up, you dump the person, they dump you, you break up on mutual grounds. Here are my experiences with each.

Being dumped.Tenets are many reasons someone dumps you. Another person, family, cheating, age, attraction, bad sex I mean the list goes on. I was dumped a few times. The worst one was being dumped by my first boyfriend. He broke up with me for another girl. She ended up becoming his wife so after awhile I learned to accept that being dumped for the love of his life wasn't so bad. Either way it was painful. I didn't know how to handle it and everyone seemed to have their theories. "No man is worth your tears" or. Move on!" it was nice to have support but it didn't stop the pain and humiliation it caused me.

Dumping him. I also dumped a few guys. Some for another guy, some because I lost interest. I have to say I felt the worst with one specific guy. I broke up with him and literally drove off with my new boyfriend. Wasn't my proudest moment but I blame it on my youth. I would never do that as a mature adult.

Mutual grounds. These are are those break ups where you both just move on. The attraction was lost, distance was gained, whatever the reason there tends to be no hurt feelings, no drama and you remain friends. I only remember doing this with one specific person, and he no longer talks to me. We remained friends for awhile but once I got married he seemed to have disappeared. Go figure!

While these three scenarios are different, they all have one thing in common. They suck! Breaking up sucks! Someone is such a big part of your life for months or even years and then all of a sudden they no longer exist. I found myself having a hard time comforting my niece because I haven't gone though a break up in years. In fact I don't think I've ever gone through a break up as bad as hers. I guess all she needs to know is there are few good things that come out of breakup. Growth, knowledge and memories. Which for most of us are priceless.
EMM

Let me count the ways.....

My husband is truly the best person I know. He is helpful, thoughtful, sweet, generous, friendly and so many more things. I thought it would be nice to put into word the reasons I love him and our marriage.

Whenever we decide on take out for dinner, he goes and picks it up.

Even though I go to bed earlier than him, he will lie down with me until I fall asleep.

He goes shopping with me.

We always see movies I want to see, but only occasionally see ones he wants to see.

He painted our apartment.

He wants children just as badly as I do.

He loves my family as if they were his own.

He does naked push ups right before his shower. Sometimes I think it's just so I can watch him do naked push ups

When we go swimming he always plays with me like teenagers.

He still holds my hand everywhere we go.

He cooks for me.

He gives me foot rubs every Friday night. We call them Friday night foot rubs. To be fair, he gives them to me more than that but Friday ones are special.

He puts up with Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, Revenge and every other chick show I watch.

When he was deployed he wrote me every night. Unless power was out.

He draws me, often.

He still says thank you when I give him his clean laundry to put away.

Most importantly, he treats me with respect.

I know it's uber cheesy for me to have written this but there are times that
it's important to express our love. This is just one way of doing it.
EMM

Toxic Friends

According to Shape magazine there are five types of toxic friends. In my 25 years if life I have encountered a person who resembles every single one of these. To avoid suspicion of these people, I will not give real names or if we are still friends or not.

Narcissist- Friend #1, my narcissist. He only truly cares about himself. His actions are based on whether or not he will benefit from them. He believes he his God's gift to women and can do no wrong. I don't blame him, he's never taken responsibility for anything in his life so why should he start now? To be fair, I have met several narcissist. There tend to be more than people think. However, this one specific friend of mine, is just over the top in love with himself. 

Be-littler- Friend #2, my be-littler. She is the person who will say "You would look so much prettier with this hair style". She is married with a baby and makes sure other people know how blissfully happy she is. She doesn't stop to think you could be happy with your life too because she thinks everyone wants her life.

Critic- Friend #3, my critic. She criticizes my life, husband, the fact that I don't have a child yet, my living arrangements, my clothes, my brands, I mean everything. She thinks she means well but she's more hurtful than helpful. She has a fairly prestigious job title but I have never seen her work. Due to her career she feels the need to butt into other peoples life problems.

Flake- Friend #4, my flake. Friend #4 is that person who promises you the world, but ends up flaking, on everything! Sure, I'll meet you for dinner...flake. Sure, we'll talk tomorrow...flake. Sure, I'll go to your party....flake. I mean he flakes on everything. Inviting him is a formality but we never count on him actually showing up.

Debby Downer- Friend #5, my Debbie Downer. She recently got a divorce and makes sure the whole world knows it. She always makes sure people know how sad, miserable and lonely she is, yet insist she's going out every night. When you talk to her she starts out excited but eventually needs a pity party to make it through the conversation.

As for the toxic type of friend I most resemble, it has to be the flake. I am one to stick with what I'm comfortable with. Let me also be clear a lot of our friends are out of town/state so making plans sometimes falls through. But if there's a party an hour away that I was stoked to go to Tuesday night and am now exhausted Friday night, I see nothing wrong canceling. I try to stay away from flaking on private events like lunches, girls night etc... So next time you notice these toxic characteristics creep up....tame them! You'd hate to see someone write about you on their blog!

EMM

Recycling an Ex

The idea of giving your ex another try seemed interesting to me and also an experience I can shed some light on. When asked, most of my friends said dating an ex again depends on the circumstances, the reason you broke up, age, etc etc. etc. Before I go on, please note that not all my ex's are assholes. In fact, most of are the complete opposite. I just like the ex-boyfriend picture because let us be honest, we've all done it!

Moving on, I'm looking at this in 2 ways. The first way is my experiences with dating exes twice. Technically I've gone back to 3 different exes. However, I don't consider one of them going back. I dated a guy in 8th grade and our conversions and gatherings were limited. I would even go as far as to say nonexistent. So I don't count him. I did however seriously date him again my senior year of high school. This is why technically we dated 2 separate times, but not really.

That leaves 2 exes. The first, let's call him Steve, and I dated on and off for years. It seemed like after a real breakup with a guy, he'd always be there. We didn't date seriously until about our junior year. We broke up because I found someone else. We remained friends but things were never the same. We dated again in college but it never worked out, he cheated on me, I now know several times. He is who he is and I wish I had learned years ago to let him go because it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

The other guy, let's call him Rufio, and I dated seriously in high school. He was my first love. We broke up because I was a dumbass. I never officially cheated on him but he knew I was on the road to it so he dumped me. He broke up with me the last day of school before summer vacation. We got back together right before school started again. He couldn't trust me again, no matter how hard I tried. That relationship was doomed once the idea of cheating got into his head.

These two cases are different, very different. Steve was a heartbreaker by nature but I always found myself running back to him. He was my constant throughout high school, like a security blanket for me. I would never date Steve again because now that I’m older, I am much wiser in my decision making skills. Unlike Steve, Rufio was absolutely worth the 2^nd heartbreak. He showed me what it meant to love someone and really didn't let me get away with any of my shit. He showed me my worth and how I should be treated. We're still friends and truthfully he has a dear place in my heart. Should there be a tragic accident and my husband was no longer on this earth, I would take a swing at Rufio.

The other approach I'm taking is the idealistic approach. People break up for a reason and in my opinion those reasons are usually still apparent 5, 10, 15 years down the line. Whether it’s trust issues, douchebags, mommy/daddy issues, age, marital status etc. Realistically we should walk away and stay away. If only the heart weren't involved right? We say this but rarely do this. We want to believe that the other person will change, that you're worth changing for, or that even you might change. That's not to say you aren't meant to be together. Obviously there are times when it works out and is a romantic story. Often times however, we become wiser and realize those exes are exes for a reason.

EMM