Fertility Shmertility

It was recently my 27th birthday and I am officially in my late 20's now. This was the first birthday that made me conscious about my age. I wasn't sure why, I never really thought myself to be a person who was self conscious about my age. I then realized it was because I didn't have children. Here's the thing, with all my heart and soul I know that my purpose in life is to be a mother. However, that doesn't mean that I have had the urge to conceive any time in the near future. Then I saw an episode of "The New Girl" when Jess was told that by age 30, 90% of her eggs were gone. Of course that is not true ladies! But hearing it reminds us that we aren't getting any younger and the older you are the more difficult it will be to get pregnant. Of course I'm one of those women who fears that I will have the hardest time getting pregnant; secretly I think most women think that. I feel like these days all I hear about are women using fertility treatments, IVF, surrogacy, adoption etc. Which is probably why I've had that fear instilled into my brain.

The truth is, while I fear I will have a hard time getting pregnant, I don't really worry about it that much. I know that one way or another I will be a mother and if that means I can or can't deliver my own baby so be it. If that means I adopt so be it. If that means I have triplets naturally then God help me! Either way, being a parent to me is so much more than just giving birth. While I hope to one day be able to experience child birth to me it's more about the relationship my husband and I share with our children and the bond that makes us a family unit. I'm probably just a worry wart and will be fine, but I couldn't help but have a tiny freak out moment when I saw that damn episode! I guess the good news is I found the sausage to go with my eggs!
EMM

Idiosyncratic Confessions Part 2

In August of last year I wrote a blog with a list that included information about myself. It was a fun list of quirks, interest, me and my life. I was reading through it and they are still so valid but I decided to write one more because my life has changed drastically since then. 

Here is my list from last year:

If I'm in a car, I usually insist on driving. I don't trust anyone behind the wheel, not even my husband. It's a constant need to feel in control.

I worry too much. I'm that person who always says I love you no matter what because I know that might be the last time I see you. 

Dying does not scare me. My family and friends dying does.

I steal change. If you leave coins anywhere in my house, it will be gone.

I have a tradition to steal something from Disneyland every time I go. I swear I'm not a kleptomaniac. It's my small way of sticking it to the man.

I never give a bad driver the finger. I've been on the opposite end of that one and it hurt my feelings.

I hate cats.

I love dogs.

I love kids but typically I'm not a fan of their parents.

I prefer small gatherings with close friends to large parties with people I don't know. Or even people I do know.

Often times my husband and I are polar opposites. This leads me to believe parenting will be interesting.

My favorite time of the year is December. Not because it's my birthday, anniversary or Christmas but because I get 2 weeks off.

I also love summer for time off but I don't get presents so December wins.

Sometimes it's hard not to stereotype people.

I can't use public bathrooms for anything I cant hover over the toilet for. I avoid them like the plague.

I've regifted at least 3 times. But I see it as a sweet gesture because I know that person will use it more than me.

I like shopping for other people more than myself.

I have a hard time trusting people, which is why I drive 25 minutes to get my eyebrows waxed.

I don't like fish.

I have guilty pleasure shows which consist of...Teen Mom, Bachelor Pad and Gossip Girl. I won't stop watching them no matter how much I hate them sometimes.

I talk to my grandma almost everyday. Do you?

I have an irrational fear of dinosaurs. It's a real fear. It's called ornithoscelidaphobia.

I've never done drugs. Ever. Not even weed.

I've also never smoked a cigarette. The one time I wanted to my husband refused me because I was drunk.

I seldom drink alcohol.

I got drunk at my wedding thanks to my brother-in-law.

I used to not be able to make a decision without asking my mom.

I write to feel better. I've kept journals all my life. This blog is a new form of self expression. Seeing so many people read it boosts my confidence.

If I wake up on my own, it's a good day. If you wake me up, you'll regret it.

I'm scared I will not be able to live without my parents.....once they go.

The Walking Dead series is how I think the world would react to a zombie invasion. I would not survive.

My mom is one of my best friends and does not take any bullshit from me. She tells me what I need to hear even if I don't want to hear it.

^ She is the reason I'm so loyal to my friends but often say things they don't wanna hear.

I fear change but find my life changing drastically every 3 years.

Now here is my new list:

I've become a very paranoid person when it comes to the safety of my future unborn children. It will be difficult for me to trust anyone except my husband with them.

I never knew I could love a pet as much as I love Heisenberg >>

I read Cosmo every month, but rarely agree with their articles, it's just fun to read.

I have severe anxiety but only about certain aspects of life.

I LOVE Taylor Swift's "We Will Never Ever Ever" song. Judge me, I don't care.

When I eat french fries I always eat the firm pointy ones first and leave the soggy ones for last, if ever.

My husband recently pointed out I have a weird obsession with different types of blankets. I love them all and have tons!

I get mad when people judge my religious beliefs, marital status or lifestyle but secretly judge them as well :/

I'm still scared shitless of dinosaurs.

I'm easy to scare. I get scared about once a day at random things; noises, my husband, the dog, lights, etc. He literally scared me as I was reading this blog to him, I lost a year of my life!

Even though I've seen every episode of One Tree Hill, I re-watched the entire series on Netflix. I won't say how long that took because I'll look pathetic.

My father is not the man I thought he was.

I've had a kidney stone and seriously debated wanting children. I clearly have a LOW tolerance for pain.

I love champagne.

I believe in mediums, in fact I have an appointment with one in 2 weeks for the first time.

I have a birth mark on my stomach that sticks out a little and my husband calls it 3D.

My relationship with my brother-in-law has become one I treasure.

I'm scared I won't succeed in life, just in general.

The smell of the desert after it rains is by far my favorite smell in the world.

When people ask why we don't have children I often say "We just aren't ready" but the truth is we like our lives just as they are right now. We can wait.

Although I fear I won't be able to get pregnant as easily as most women. But it's not something I lost sleep over....yet.

EMM

Thankful

This week is a week of thanks and remembering what we are truly grateful for. Of course there are millions of things I am thankful for, however for the sake of you getting back to your work week I will only write my top ten blessings.

My husband (a given)
My mom
My brother
My extended family members (cousins/uncles/aunts/grandparents)
My friends
My dog
My job
My home
My education
My faith

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time off, enjoy your family/friends. Remember this that this holiday is about celebrating your blessings and not shopping or stuffing your face (although those are perks). Thank you all for continuing to support my blog, I am thankful for all of you as well!
EMM

HoH

Should your man be the head of your household?

Gosh this sounds so old school because when people think head of the household they think this...

But what I mean is a leader for our family, someone who protects us under all circumstances and is dependable. Let me start by saying in my eyes, yes I feel as though my man should be the head of our household (HoH). In fact, I believe he is. He protects our family, he provides and the best way I can describe it is by saying he is the umbrella that we all stand underneath to protect us from rainy days. Now I like to think of myself as a modern old fashioned woman (I hope that makes sense). Some people think "head of the household" means he makes more money, makes decisions for the family, is a spiritual guider, and a little macho vista. That might be true in some homes. When I think of our home, my husband is the person who leads us by example, but doesn't tell me what to do, how to dress, where to shop, etc. He does help run our home by doing chores, cooking dinners and taking care of our pup but most importantly he helps run our home by providing and making sure we are taken care of emotionally and physically.

Let me give you an example of my husband being "head of the household". If I get disturbing news, he steps up and takes care of me, he expresses his opinions and if need be stands up for me. He takes hold of the situation so that he protects me while still maintaining sensitivity to the situation. If someone hurts me he always remembers. If somebody says something hurtful to or about me he defends me. If we were overcome with zombies, he would be my Rick Grimes. I feel safe, comforted, important and protected by my husband.

When I took this to Facebook I got a couple of "He wears the pants but I tell him what pants to wear". I heard that before on "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" except the mother in that movie said "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants" Similar concepts right? I understand how that type of home runs as well because I think that's how my parents ran our home when I was younger. My dad was the typical Mexican man of the house when it came to some situations, however my mother was much more of the head of the household in most situations. She made decisions for our family based on what she thought would be best for us. This doesn't mean they never consulted with one another about details pertaining to our family, but she was clearly the head of our home.

I say whatever dynamic works for you is great. Every family is different. Our dynamic might change once we have children but for now this works wonderfully!
EMM

Love Is Easy

Over the last few months I have noticed people writing and talking about their relationships in a way that seems so unnecessarily difficult. I often think to myself "Love doesn't need to be so hard." Look I know more than the next person that relationships take a lot of work, communication, trust and honesty. However I don't feel as though love itself and being with the person you love (if you've been blessed enough to find them) is that difficult. Life is difficult, but that love is pure and simple.

I'm not kidding when I say that some people have daily struggles with their relationships. To me that doesn't seem healthy. It's healthy to argue, it's healthy to be able to spend some *agreed*  time apart, it's healthy to bicker every once in awhile. It is not healthy to break up every time the sun goes down, it's not healthy to bash that person on Facebook for the world to see and it most certainly is not healthy to feel as though you can't move forward should they leave you.That to me is not love, that to me is lust. The person you love should make you a better person, or at least make you want to aim to be a better person. You should strive on their energy, learn from them, feel supported by them, feel safe with them and most importantly they should be your best friend. Your love should never be threatened by them being with you or not. Your heart should feel safe with that person because among all, that person will protect you and their love for you.

My marriage isn't perfect, nobody's is. I understand some people are happy with their relationships even though to me it seems stressful. I'm not judging anyone but if you find yourself feeling more unhappy than happy, it's time to reevaluate and fix it or move on. I'm sure I'll get a lot of disagreements but that's ok. I'm blissfully happy with my husband and that's all the matters to me.
EMM

The Scoop

I think it's time I officially come out and say exactly what's going on with me. While some aspects of my personal life are far too personal to share there are some aspects that I think are appropriate to write about.

These past 10 months have been the most difficult 10 months of my life. It started out with my parents separating after 31 years of marriage and my mom moving even further away than she already is. You know when you think "How can things possibly get any worse?" Well I guess I tempted the universe because they continued to get worse every week. Besides the divorce getting quite complicated and plain old ugly I lost 3 different jobs in the last 10 months. Which means I have been on the job hunt 4 times throughout the last year. It is discouraging because I know my capabilities and worth, but my confidence has definitely been hit. I then unexpectedly got a massive kidney stone and ended up in the ER (which lead to an even bigger medical bill). Finally, I lost my relationship with my father. No, he didn't pass away but the relationship we had did. He is not the person I thought he was. I am the type of person who see's things clearly and morally. Your actions are either right, or wrong, no in between. Of course there are some exceptions to the rule but for the most part I feel as though people know what they are doing is either right, or wrong. He was doing wrong. He was not remorseful. He was not apologetic. He was not upset. Some of you might think "Dang EMM, you are being a bit judgmental. He's your dad. He's always going to be your dad." You're all right to an extent. I have been working with my therapist on this issue because I know that while I loathe what he did, I need to come to terms with it. That doesn't mean my relationship with him will ever be the same if we even have one again.

The other new development in my life is severe anxiety. Not with all situations, in fact just with one. I live about 1.5hrs away from my birthplace/home town. Over the last 6 months I have not been able to go back. At first I thought it was just because I wanted to stay away from the drama my parent's divorce was causing. After a couple of months of therapy I realize it is a far deeper rooted issue than I originally thought. I was supposed to go down next weekend for a visit. Over the last few days I've had anxiety attacks about the trip and essentially become inconsolable for a short time. I can't do it. I'm not ready to do it yet. For whatever reason (that I haven't figured out yet) I can't drive the 100 miles down there. This is far more difficult to admit than you all may think. You see I come from a family full of strong independent women. For me to admit defeat or weakness is very difficult. My husband said something that really made me understand why I feel the way I feel "If you don't tell anybody you aren't fine, how do you expect them to try and help you or understand why you haven't been yourself lately?" He's right. I tell everyone I'm fine as a way to avoid questions, sympathy or help because I'm supposed to be able to handle this all myself. The truth is though, I'm not fine. I'm not ok. I'm not taking this with a grain of salt.

That's why I've been seeking help for the last few months. It has helped me in a sense of figuring out who I am and why I think the way I do. It's also helped me accomplish some of my personal goals. While I'm not quite there yet, I do know that one day I will be fine. I will be ok. I will move past this. Until then, I hope my closest friends and family understand that I am doing my best. I am working on taking care of myself. I am trying. I just hope I have all of your support, which never seems to be too much to ask from such wonderful people because I know that the people who truly care for me will always understand and always be there for me.

For now let me leave you with this, I am still me. I am still EMM. I am stronger than I ever thought possible but I do have weaknesses, and that's ok with me. I just hope it's ok with all of you. Thanks for all of your support.
EMM

Forgive & Forget

It's something people always say, "I can forgive you but I will never forget what you did". It's one of those statements that I thought related to cheating and cheating alone. After the year that I have been having I find that to be furthest from the truth. This statement can be used in many different aspects of my life now and as I've mentioned before, forgiving may not even be an option.

However for the sake of this blog let's say it relates to cheating significant others who get caught. Is it possible to forgive and forget? I don't think so! I think it's absolutely possible to forgive when it comes to matters of the heart. I also happen to think when it relates to someone near and dear to you it is also impossible to forget. I know for me personally I was cheated on several times (for the record, never by my husband) and I never forgot what that person did to me. The pain subsided, the memory faded but the fact that they hurt me as bad as they did was always in the back of my head. I wasn't perfect and in the past I've cheated as well. I can only imagine the boys I cheated on still remember what I did to them. Or maybe not, men tend to be forgetful and hold less of a grudge but that doesn't make it any less hurtful.

That brings up another topic altogether; is it easier for men to forgive and forget than it is for women? I personally think it is easier for men. As previously stated men tend to move on quickly, forgive quickly and forget quickly. Women on the other hand want to know all the details of what happened, when, where, how, with who, how long, how many times, is she better, blah blah blah. We are so sick ladies! But it's the truth is it not? Don't we as women want to know the details even though we know it will hurt? I think it's because we don't want to be surprised with any other information that may come up in the future. Anyways, I digress; women do take cheating personally and therefore we will NEVER forget.

I don't know maybe I'm the only crazy woman out there that doesn't forget but I doubt it. I think it is honorable to be able to do so and I envy you but I'm not that progressive. I applaud you people out there who are able to forgive and forget because it is easier said than done.
EMM

Your Ex's New Love

I've written a few posts in the past about ex's and the troubles that often comes with them. Today I want to write about the moving on process and what it takes to get there. For the most part, my ex's and I are relatively friendly. I only have one ex I choose to no longer speak to and that's because I felt as though he was a fairly toxic person in my life even after we stopped dating. The only other one I don't speak to is solely based on his choice. I'm not sure why we no longer speak, but I respect his decision and I don't lose any sleep over it. It was recently brought to my attention one of my ex's got married! I was so happy for him and excited that he found someone worthy of his love. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about this specific topic and she said "I don't care how long it's been I would be upset if any of my ex's got married, even if I was married." I was a little bit surprised at that statement because I can honestly say I am happy for my ex's if they find someone to spend the rest of their lives with. It doesn't bother me one bit because we are ex's for a reason. That doesn't mean I never cared for them, but I am happy with my husband and I wish everyone could feel the love we share.

However, before I was married I would absolutely get jealous if an ex had a new girlfriend in his life. I would diminish our relationship and tear myself up wondering why he chose her over me. Looking back, I think that's fairly normal especially if you loved somebody. In my life I only ever loved one other man and while it was true love it was nothing compared to the love I have with my husband. While looking for pictures relating to this topic I saw a quote that absolutely describes how I feel about this topic specifically.

Doesn't this seem appropriate? It does for me. I dated most of my ex's in high school so the memories I have with them makes me nostalgic. I find now that it's not so much a person I miss but the memories.

I guess to me the only person who would have an impact on me if they got married would be my husband if we ever split. So I understand ex-wive's who get a little hurt by the idea, but as far as ex boyfriends I think it's important to find peace and security within yourself to be able to find happiness within your heart for them and their new love. When you can truly say you are happy for an ex finding true love, I assure you it will make you feel better about yourself. We should all just be happy for one another and let the rest roll off your shoulder.
EMM

Nanny Insight

All throughout college I was a nanny for wealthy Orange County families. I left that work force to move forward towards a career and focus on my husband who at the time was in the military. It wasn't until he was released from the military I went back into the field. I didn't only get back into it because of the amazing money but because I genuinely love working with my children. Here's my insight.....

Orange County, California is a special place my friends. I've lived here for over 8 years now and it never seems to surprise me. It's a fairly large county and just like other areas there are the rich and famous, the rich wannabe famous, and the less than desired areas. Vanity plays a big role in this county and the car you drive, the clothes you wear, the area you live in shows people an insight into who you are. At least, that's how I've always felt. I live in a rather prestigious city, Irvine, where the houses are HUGE and worth millions. We live here because the cost of living is high but that also means the jobs pay more, in terms of childcare.

As a nanny, I have several roles in the homes I've worked in. Sometimes I am solely the nanny, looking after the children and when or if they nap I have time to myself. Those gigs are great, but rare. More often than not I am a nanny/personal assistant/chef/driver/pet sitter. I don't mind all those roles because realistically it's like being a stay at home mom but getting paid to do it.

I went to college, got my degree in child and adolescent development and now I'm a nanny. To me that seems so confusing because shouldn't I be seeking positions in schools, day care centers, after school programs? I could and I have, but I don't make nearly as much as I do as a nanny position. People in Orange County will pay me good money to be a nanny, but even better money because I have my degree and essentially 8 years of nanny experience. I am adult/child/infant CPR/AED/First Aid certified. I interned at 3 different elementary schools. I have worked for 3 different families all giving me tremendous recommendations. I am married which shows I have no problem committing. I don't have children, which means I won't have limitations on travel/sick days, etc. I live in Irvine which means I live close by.  I know the developmental aspects of children. I can teach, I speak English, I have a car, I am insured, am fluent in Spanish, I am the ideal nanny. I have had several offers from families that seem too good to be true but they're not. I have had people offer to buy me cars, pay for my car maintenance and gas, room and board, the works! I even worked for a family for 2 years and would socialize with mom's while waiting to pick up the kids from school. I have had moms (who know I am employed) ask me if I would be willing to come work for them instead. These women are insane!

Here's the thing, none of that matters to me. Yes, the pay is good and necessary and the perks are great too. But to me, the most important aspect of this job is finding a family I connect with. I don't want to work for a family that treats me like "The Help" (which has happened before and never again). I want to work for a family that treats me like a family friend. I wan to work with a family that will allow me to teach and help raise their children. They can offer me all the money in the world but if I don't have that special bond from the first time we speak on the phone, I remove myself as a serious candidate. Ask my husband, after only 10 minutes on the phone with a potential employer I look at him and give him a thumbs up or down. I have been in this industry long enough to know when there is a genuine mom who needs help on the line and when there's a stay at home mom with a 5 year old in kindergarten who needs a full time nanny so she can get her manicures.

I love my job, and yes there are days I want to throw it all away but it's become who I am and what I'm good at. I love my kiddos and my job is one of the most personal jobs you will ever find. I help raise your children into kind, thoughtful, respectful, loving kids. I wouldn't change it for anything else in the world.
EMM

My Baby Brother

My brother is one of a kind. I mean look at that picture! I know people say that all the time about people in their lives and some might be true but seriously, my brother is one of a kind. Let me tell you a little bit about him.

As children we loathed each other. Ok that's too strong of a word we just really didn't get along great. We had our moments but for the most part he was a gigantic pain in my ass! He was very hyper as a child and I was quite the opposite. He was also a boys boy and I was a girls girl and I am 3.5 years older than him so it was rare for us to have similar interest when playing. There was however one game we both seemed to love which was house/school. I'm not quite sure why he liked it, maybe he didn't and I just made him play thinking he enjoyed it. Anyways he used to have these bunk beds with a full or queen size bed below and a twin on top. We would hang sheets and towels to enclose the bottom bunk and make "rooms" to play in. He was always Jake and I was always Christina (I secretly think we both thought we were white as children). Those days playing in his room were some of my fondest memories as a child.

Then we hit our teen years, well I was a teen but he was older. We started getting along so well! We have very similar humor and interest in movies/shows so that bonded us significantly. Every time we see each other we always laugh and laugh because we quote some stupid old ass movie from the 90's (like A Night At The Roxbury). I have the best time when I'm around my brother and that's how our relationship has been for the past 12ish years or so.

Now we are adults with our own lives. We grew up, moved out, work and live daily 100+ miles away from one another. I left for college 8 years ago so it's been like this for awhile. But every time we get back together it's like we pick up where we left off. Recent family events have made it difficult to keep a steady relationship but it doesn't really matter because I know he's always going to be there. He's really good at keeping humor in the mix so even during stressful times he can put a smile on my face. Throughout all of this my husband, brother and mom are the only 3 that have fully supported me and been there for me. To be honest he's one of the few persons I know to keep a clear mind, honest heart and positive outlook on my parent's divorce. I wish I was more like him in that aspect because I think it might make my life less stressful.

So to my brother, I love you more than you know. I admire your strength throughout this entire process. I hope you know that even though we don't see each other or even talk daily I am here for you. I'm so blessed to call you my baby brother. For all my readers out there with siblings, remember that even with the daily stresses of life to keep your relationship strong. They share your childhood memories and support your adulthood choices and dreams.
EMM

Forgiveness

Forgiveness: To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon OR to renounce anger or resentment against.

Most of you don't know the extent of what I have had to deal with this year. Some of you know a few details, some of you know none. I find myself being tested daily, having to find strength I didn't realize I had. Just when I think life couldn't be harder, the universe proves me wrong. Throughout all of this, I have found patience, kindness, bitterness, anger, sadness, resentment, love, strength, faith, hope and forgiveness. I had to find a way to forgive people for their misdoings, harsh words and past mistakes. God has tested my abilities to forgive. Everybody keeps saying forgiveness is more to bring peace to myself, to help myself move forward in life. Except this time, I don't know if I can or want do that. Are there things in life that are just unforgivable? If I eventually find forgiveness, it will certainly not be anytime soon. People can judge me all they want for not forgiving as easily as they have/can/will but to me it's important to find that forgiveness within myself and if that takes 5 months or 5 years, that's what it takes.

There are times in your life when you think "Screw this, I'm done." and recently I have been brought to that point. How much am I supposed to endure? What is the point of this? How are all of these new details of my life going to help me grow as a person? The truth is, there is no point. My life won't benefit from all of this. Life doesn't work that way, it doesn't owe me anything. It's just life.  If anything it makes me more paranoid and makes me realize there are few people in my life that I can trust. The only positive thing about all of this is the strength it has brought me as well as bonding my husband and I even more than I thought possible.

The point of this post is just about forgiveness. Seeking it is one thing, giving it is a whole other issue. I've never been one to hold grudges, resentment or anger. I don't see the purpose in keeping all of those bad emotions inside. I now see things a bit different and feel like forgiveness is a privilege. I have a big enough heart to know that I have the ability to forgive, I'm just not sure if I can do that as easily as some people. All I know is my life is different now. My family is different now. My world is different now and as much as I can forgive, I most certainly will never forget.
EMM

Are Married Men More Attractive?

Thinking back I've never been single as an adult. I reunited with my husband at 19 immediately after a long term relationship and we've been together ever since. Therefore I have no real experience with dating as an adult. I don't know the do's and don'ts and quite honestly I don't care to ever experience having to date again.

What is this leading to? Well, it's leading to the idea that single women are more attracted to married men. Are they? If so, why?  I asked some friends and they all said the same thing "Women who go after married men are skanks!" I was shocked! I mean, I don't disagree but I was trying to get to the real reason of it all. To my friends, the real reason doesn't matter, they're all skanks! I don't like that word, but in general I feel the same way. If any woman ever tried to go after my husband I would beat her ass to the ground after I beat his. To me, name calling wasn't the point. I wanted to know the psychological reasons as to why single women are more attracted to married men. I did some research but nothing official came up. In all fairness I didn't take this to journal searching or articles on the subject just a simple Google search but nothing I read made much sense or explained the reasons. It seemed like all Google could provide was basic information. So until I get enough interest on the subject I guess I will have to leave you with my own thoughts and reasons.

At first I thought it was because as women we want a man who can commit, provide and have the ability to love another person. A married man is a prime example of what women tend to want in a relationship. Married men are clearly able to provide all of those characteristics and then some. I also think that some single women get excited about the fact that it's an affair, it's secret, it's taboo and the thrill of getting caught is the best part. Either way, going after a married man is so inconsiderate and flat out degrading. If you are dating a married man the chances of him leaving his wife, and God forbid children, are slim to none. Should you actually get him to leave his wife or family, shame on you and also what's to stop him from doing it to you? It all goes back to women finding a "great" man and wanting or should I say hoping he will change for her. Being with a married man is nothing but drama, deceit and bad bad bad karma.

Part of me was hesitant to write about this topic. I don't like to judge people because it's their life, they're going to do what makes them happy regardless of what I say. But also because I personally know people who have done exactly this; both personally and in the media. Angelina Jolie went after Brad Pitt and he was married to Jennifer Aniston. Tell me, do we look at the Jolie-Pitt family and still think about Aniston's misery? No, we think they look happy and are finally getting married. But in the beginning, Angelina straight up stole Jennifer's husband. This was an extreme and of course we don't know the details of it all but we can assume that Angelina became Brad's mistress and look at their lives now. As for my personal friends/family, their lives were not ruined but definitely made more difficult. They certainly didn't get the fairy tale ending with a castle in France like Angelina but they learned. I don't judge them, I still love them but I can't say it was easy to over look their misdoings. The older I get the more I realized that everybody makes mistakes and it's important that we understand that. It's what that person who makes the mistake does after they realize what they have done. You can't grow unless you've made mistakes. This is not my way of excusing women who go after married men, but it is a way for me to express that while I don't agree with it doesn't mean those women aren't human either. All I can really say is I won't do it and I hope it never gets done to me.
EMM

Please DON'T You Be My Neighbor

I occasionally watch Jenna Marble's videos because they're hilarious. She made a video where she continuously vented about her neighbor who complained about Jenna and her friends being too loud. It got me thinking about all of the neighbors I've had throughout my life. So I thought I'd tell you a bit about some of my most memorable neighbors.

When I lived in Palm Springs (Cathedral City to be more exact) as a child we had some amazing neighbors. Well they were more like two houses down but they are seriously life long friends. We still catch up on each other's lives, attend important life events, and love each other to death. However, we had another neighbor who had this AMAZING tree on his front lawn. It was huge and every child's dream tree. He never let us climb it. Of course we did anyways, but he was a real dick about it.

While my husband was in the military I lived in one city and he lived in another about 2 hours away. He lived in a barracks room which is basically a hotel room with a kitchen. His neighbor, not his roommate, always had sex at like 3am with some girl and it lasted FOR......EV........ER! We used to call him the horse because he would go on, and on, and on, and on. Lucky bitch.

Once my husband was out of the Navy we finally got to live together, in the same apartment. It's actually the complex we live in now, just a different apartment. Our first neighbor there was an older lady, in her early 60's I would say. One day she came to the apartment at like 3pm to complain about the loud hip hop music I was playing. Thing is, I wasn't playing any hip hop! So after biting my head off, she realized it was my other neighbor and they had an all out war! My other neighbor left a nasty ass bag of beer in front of my old lady neighbor's door. My husband and I asked her to take out her trash because it was disgusting and beer was getting everywhere. She gave us attitude stating it wasn't her trash and she refused to take it out. We were in a rush so we just took off and when we returned, a building manager was washing the patio and taking the trash out.


That old lady moved out and we were excited, until we met the new neighbors. I swear there was like 6 of them and it was a one bedroom apartment! We called them the gypsies because every time we passed their apartments it smelled horribly! Like in using incense to cover up bad food and marijuana. They smoked all the time, which doesn't bother us, but because we were so close our apartment would sometimes smell like weed too. They were loud, annoying and they had a little boy (at least we think he was a little boy) who was never in school and always gave us the stink eye. He looked like a future hit man stuck in the body of an overweight 14 year old Armenian boy. Just plain creepy. They ended up blabbing about our precious Heisenberg and we had to move to a different apartment in the complex.

Now we are neighborless! Not necessarily we have people who live around us but we don't share walls with anyone, nobody next to us at all! BUT....we have Nathan. Nathan is a 5 year old little Asian boy who lives upstairs. He runs around like we don't live underneath him and is constantly coming to visit our puppy. Let me add we have a baby gate at the front door to avoid the dog running out and to keep Nathan from coming in. But his visits would last 20 minutes if we let it and he began throwing items into our apartment like rocks and balls. We now tell him after a few minutes to kindly get lost, but he doesn't really get it. The worst part is his parents just stand there allowing him to invade our privacy. However, on the rare occasion we catch Heisenberg before he bolts to the door, Nathan gets pissed off at the dog and yells in his adorable 5 year old voice "WHATEVER!"

All in all we've had some easy neighbors, some difficult ones, and some stinky ones but we've been pretty lucky. No dicks or complainers or partiers. I'm most scared of purchasing a home. What if we have terrible neighbors? We're stuck! I guess all I can do is pray we get people like ourselves. No matter where you live, just remember to have consideration for the people around you and enjoy life in peace.
EMM

The Justin-Bobby Effect

I was watching old re-runs of The Hills and it was the beginning of season 3 when Audrina starts going back and forth with Justin Bobby. We all know how that turned out but in case you don't she basically has this long time crush on Justin Bobby and had an on again off again relationship with him. He screwed up quite a few times, and yet she continued to go back to him over and over and over again. Why do we as women do this?

I can relate...

This struck a chord with me because to be honest I had someone like that in my life. I hate to admit it but I was sooooo Audrina in this situation. The guy that used to be in my life was an ex boyfriend and we dated on and off for all of high school. He cheated on me several times, he used me often and was a charmer to say the least. He knew my personality and knew exactly what he had to say to get me to give him one more chance. I went back to him at least 5-6 different times and those times we weren't "together" we were still flirting and close. What's worse is no matter how many people told me I deserved better, I never understood or agreed with them. I started having this conversation with my husband because I feel as though women in general (at least most women anyway) have that one man/woman in their lives that they shouldn't be with but are still pulled back every time. It's that person that knows exactly what to say and when to say it so it will stick with you. He's a smooth talker, tends to be easy on the eyes (in my case this guys was the closest thing to a gladiator I've ever seen), a cheater/player, constantly needing attention and doesn't really give a rat's ass what other's think. It is my opinion that women fall for this type of guy and constantly go back because we think he will change for us. We think that we are that person he finds worthy changing for. WRONG! I'm not saying all women have or have had this type of person in their lives but I think it's fairly common.

Yup, he did that too!

Then I started thinking about men and their lack of this type of person in their lives. First of all, I think women have better game than men so if they are those manipulative types, they are much better at hiding it. But I also think that men tend to have more of those "one that got away" ladies. Men have a harder time committing in a relationship and when he finds someone who is worthy of his time and commitment, he may not be ready for her....so she leaves. A few years go by, he's still single and he realizes what a dumb ass he was. Again, not all men have these women in their lives but I think they are more common than we think.

This post isn't about being with the wrong person or right person. It's about the differences between women and men. Women keep those "bad boys" around for as long as possible in hopes of changing them. Men get rid of the perfect woman to avoid a long term relationship or monogamy. I think all of this game play goes away the older you get. I got rid of my bad boy years and years ago and let me tell you, my life is so much less dramatic. I have more confidence in my abilities to read people, I have more confidence in my worth, and I know the difference between a real man and a boy playing games.
EMM

Easy Bake Oven vs. Action Figures

Watch this video. Go on, I'll give you a minute.....

What did you think? Are you not in LOVE with this little girl? First off, props to the parents of this little girl Riley for teaching her to speak her mind, ask questions and to realize the differences within people.

If you skipped the video I guess I'll tell you what she said. Basically she is questioning why all the girl toys are pink and princesses and all the boy toys are superheros and boy colors. She wants to know why boys can't buy pink princesses and why girls can't buy superheros! Her father brilliantely asks her why she thinks all the girl stuff is pink? She answers with the best answer possible, "The companies try to trick us!" Boy does she have it right!

From birth, boys and girls are constantly reminded of their gender roles. Girls' rooms are pink, all of their clothes are pink hues, they have bows, they have dolls and cute princess outfits. Boys' rooms are blue/green, with baseball borders, and outfits with trucks on them. As they get older they are  imbeaded with even more gender roles by giving the girls vacuum cleaning toys, kitchenette toys, Easy Bake Ovens, doll houses to take care of, as well as baby dolls; all insinuating that their worth is becoming a stay at home mother, who cleans house and takes care of the family. Or a princess. Where boys are given trucks, superheros and sporting equipment insinuating that they should aim to become a truck driving superhero that plays baseball! I'm not saying either is better but to me, clearly one sounds like a more demanding role than the other. Believe me, stay at home mothers are strong individuals and this is not a way for me to bash them. I just don't think it's right to instill in your daughter's head that being a stay at home mother is all there is to be. Just like letting your son run wild on the thought of becoming a professional baseball player isn't great either.

Here's the thing, how can you pass by those cute barbies and dolls and not get one for your sweet little girl? How can you pass by the new soccer ball for your rough and tumble son? It's hard but important to make sure they are aware of their roles as people, not boys or girls. It's important to teach your children the differences between the two, but also that being a stay at home dad is fine, being a firefighting woman is fine, being a janitor is fine! As long as you love it, it's fine.

I'm not a fan of treating girls like they're delicate little creatures, just like I'm not a fan of treating boys like they need to get over everything so easily. But women who are brought up this way are considered cold hearted bitches, and men are considered pussies. Who knows how we will end up raising our children but I guess for now I can say that I hope we can bring them up teaching them it's ok to ask questions and it's acceptable for them to play with any toy without any judgement from me or their father. However others judging them is the real issue. I guess I'll leave you with this, next time you see a boy playing with a doll, or a girl who's attached to an Iron Man action figure, just know they're comfortable with who they are, and you should be too.
EMM

Emotional Affairs

Remember that movie "I Think I Love My Wife" with Chris Rock? If you haven't seen it SPOILER ALERT, he basically has an emotional affair with this girl Nikki and almost has an actual sexual affair with her. I was singing "No Sex in the Champagne Room" by Chris Rock while cleaning my bathroom and that movie came to my thoughts. Now that I write often, I get inspiration from everything I can. The movie struck a conversation with my husband and we both agreed that emotional affairs are just as bad as sexual affairs. I guess sometimes it can be worse if you can imagine.

For those of you who don't know what an emotional affair it can be easily described as two people developing a relationship that's deeper than friendship, but not as close as a relationship. They communicate often, they enjoy each other's company without their significant other but don't have sex-yet. Most of the time women fall for men in this scenario because their man or woman at home isn't giving them enough attention. Of course this is all based on my opinion, not a professional's. I think this is the case for both men and women but more so for women. I think more specifically a man is hearing what he wants to hear. Maybe this other woman has similar interest his wife just doesn't have, maybe she's sexier than his wife and maybe she's flirtatious in a way his wife/girlfriend isn't anymore.

As an adult I find the line very thin in these situations. It's one thing to have lunch with a co-worker, during work, at work. It's another to meet a co-worker on a Sunday afternoon without your significant other. Some people think if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I don't think that one bit. There doesn't have to be any touching at all, it's the context of your conversations and the amount you spend with this person. I don't snoop through my husband's phone, text, emails etc I trust him completely. But I also know if he started talking about "Stacy" from work or school often, it would become a red flag. I almost prefer a sexual affair because that could be a one time mistake versus him having another woman he can confide in and possibly develop a relationship with.

I'm not a saint, I don't claim to be one so I'm going to tell you about the emotional affair I had. Now, believe me I understand that I was a lot younger, stupider and selfish but I don't think that means I couldn't have an emotional affair. Of course when I write about this I am mostly thinking about married couples but in my case, I was a teenager when this happened. I was dating this boy who at the time had been the only person I really loved. He was my everything, and I don't say that lightly. Long story short, he had a feeling I was cheating on him. I fought him to the nail telling him I wasn't! The truth is, looking back I was. I was having an emotional affair with another boy. This other boy was what I considered a close friend, but realistically we were hanging out and writing flirtatious notes to one another. I didn't consider it cheating because we never kissed or held hands or anything of that nature. The truth is I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I have learned from it and know the difference now between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair.


So I guess the point of this post is to make sure you are aware of your choices. Understand that disclosing personal information to a "friend" and meeting him for drinks after work may not be physically cheating, but could lead up to something worse. Emotional affairs hurt everyone involved and will only bring pain to you, your "friend" and your significant other.
EMM

Our Military Friends

My husband was in the military a little over 5 years. Throughout those 5 years he came to make some great friends. I came along around year 2 of his military life and I too made some life long friends. This post is dedicated to those who not only impacted our lives but still feel like family. Even though we may not see each other often, I know we can still count on these people as a support system. These individuals and couples will see our children grow up, will know us as a family, and be a part of our lives from here on out.

Justin and Shay are our closest military friends. We knew Justin first through the military and Shay eventually came into his life. These two are like family to us and while they live in Arizona, we when we do see them it's like we never parted ways. Aside from that they have created a darling little boy and have another one on the way. We love Jace and can't wait to meet your new baby. Thank you for being such wonderful friends and for keeping us just as involved in your lives 6 hours away.

Kevin is one of a kind. He is strong minded, strong willed, and just plain old strong. He is also one of our closest friends and probably the one we see the most. He always goes out of his way to come to our get together's even though he lives about 1.5 hours away. He is one of my husband's closest friend and a dear friend to me as well. These two are very similar when it comes to music, video games, and just people in general. We are grateful to have him in our lives.

Justin and Ashley are also great friends. Ashley is one of the smartest people I've known. on top of being beautiful! Justin snagged  good one! Justin is a kindhearted person, who is also intelligent to boot. While we haven't seen these two in years, it's an unspoken bond we have created with these two through the military. They are a wonderful couple, and we can't wait to be able to see them again soon.

Amanda and Raul are also great friends. We met them when my husband was stationed in Ventura. They weren't always dating but they started after awhile and are now married with a beautiful baby boy Damien. What baby? He's 2 years old now! They are a hardworking, dedicated couple that inspires me. I hope one day we can have a baby half as cute as Damien!

Blake is a Virginian baby with the blondest hair and the bluest eyes. At first he seemed a little sheltered but insanely intelligent. By sheltered I mean culturally, not in any other ways. He is a kind person who knows what he wants. I admire his sense of adventure as well as his loyalty to his friends. 

Kyla and Nate are two of the sweetest women I have ever met. I am only putting them together because I found this awesome picture I took of them at a BBQ once. They are strong women, who prove themselves in a man driven military. Kyla has the qualities of a "forever student" meaning she is always open to learning more than she does. Nate is a beautiful person inside and out. I felt so safe with her and she always has a special place in my heart.

Steph and Brady are a wonderful couple with a lot of love in their lives. They live far but have always been close in our hearts. They are one of the first couples we ever befriended. At first Brady was not fond of my husband and I was not fond of Steph. But how could you not fall in love with this girl once you get to know her? She is beautiful, literally a sight for sore eyes. Eventually Brady came to love my husband as well. They have an adorable little boy Corbin and another baby on the way. We will one day meet your babies Canadas!

Josh is Josh. There is no other way of putting it. He has the biggest heart I have even known ANYBODY to have. He falls in love easily, and that's because he is trusting, kind, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. He is also one of my husband's closest friends, as well as mine. He makes everyone around him comfortable. He has an amazing voice on top of all these wonderful qualities. 

Teachy is opinionated and strong minded. She sticks to her ground in any opposition and is firm her beliefs. She is also very suitable to give advice and lends a helping hand when needed. 

I don't have a picture of Mike and Iriana because well Mike doesn't have a Facebook and Iriana is very private with hers. These two recently came back into our lives after a little hiatus. They moved far and had a baby on top of Mike being deployed so life was a little busy. Now we love them just as much. They have two sweet little boys, Mikey and Diego who we adore. Mike and Iri and 2 friends we can count on and truly are life long friends.

It is important to me to express how special each of these individuals are to us. Not only have they helped us get through some difficult times, they bring joy and happiness into our lives. We've shared a lot of experiences together, especially through the military. It's nice to know God has blessed my husband and I with such amazing friends who will always, and I really mean this, always be our friends. We love you guys!

EMM

The Other Woman

I was watching that show "The Talk" and they had Rielle Hunter on the show. For all of you who don't know who she is, she's John Edward's mistress with whom he had a child with. I guess you could say she is this decade's Monica Lewinsky. However I will say Monica had more class, even with the sperm on her dress. On this specific interview they were asking her tough questions; in my opinion not tough enough. This woman had the balls to write a tell all book about her affair with the ex presidential candidate. In the book she goes into details about the affair, how they had sex the first night they met, all of the gory details American's want to hear. What baffled me is her "surprise" to the questions they were asking her. Things like, and I'm paraphrasing, "You're a grown ass woman, how did you get pregnant at 43 knowing about condoms, birth control, depo shots etc.?" She looked confused and said "I just didn't think I could get pregnant. All of my friends had children, but I didn't, so I didn't think it was possible." WHAT?! I'm sorry, she's in her 40's right? Not 15? Seriously the stupidest thing I've heard a grown woman say. Watching her interview pissed me off. I'm a real advocate for blaming the person in the relationship who cheated (in this case John Edwards) not the other woman/man. But in this case I have to say this woman was insensitive to the fact that John Edwards wife had cancer and was insensitive to the fact that he had children. This woman wrote a tell all book and yet is still conservative with her answers to these SHOCKING questions. I don't get women like that. Clearly she seeks attention and is trying to elongate her 15 minutes of fame into 20. I'm pissed I'm even writing about her to be honest.

Watching this made me think about all the "other" women out there. You know I guess part of me wants to say we as women should stick together and if there's a man who is married or taken, step away. The other part of me knows how manipulative men can be so some women genuinely don't know these men are taken. So to me, the most important person in this scenario is the man or woman who cheated. Unless there is an agreement between the couple, the person who cheated should absolutely be the one to blame.

True story time....I was in a toxic relationship for years on and off. I've written about this guy several times. He will remain nameless cause I don't need that drama back in my life. But he is the person who was my security blanket. He made me feel good about myself when I was most vulnerable so I continued to go back to him on a regular basis. Anyways, we were dating for awhile at one point when he moved out of state for work. Long story short he came to visit me and I saw a picture he had taken of a girl sitting on top of him topless (almost as if it were during sex ewww). I didn't say anything to him because it just confirmed what he had been doing all along. I found her number and kept it stashed away. After he left, I sent her a text and she immediately called me apologizing. She didn't even know he had a girlfriend! We both broke it off with him and are now distant friends.

This is what I mean about him being the only one to blame. He cheated, he lied, he was manipulative and he took advantage of both of us. She was an innocent bystander, well not so innocent I guess with that photo I saw ;) but innocent enough.

All of this being said, when the other woman has it out to purposely steal your husband, get knocked up or God forbid write a tell all book, she does have a hint of home wrecker in her. Considering how almost all women have been cheated on, we should really try to remember how it felt and avoid being the other woman. We all deserve to be THE woman to a very special man.
EMM