Most of you don't know the extent of what I have had to deal with this year. Some of you know a few details, some of you know none. I find myself being tested daily, having to find strength I didn't realize I had. Just when I think life couldn't be harder, the universe proves me wrong. Throughout all of this, I have found patience, kindness, bitterness, anger, sadness, resentment, love, strength, faith, hope and forgiveness. I had to find a way to forgive people for their misdoings, harsh words and past mistakes. God has tested my abilities to forgive. Everybody keeps saying forgiveness is more to bring peace to myself, to help myself move forward in life. Except this time, I don't know if I can or want do that. Are there things in life that are just unforgivable? If I eventually find forgiveness, it will certainly not be anytime soon. People can judge me all they want for not forgiving as easily as they have/can/will but to me it's important to find that forgiveness within myself and if that takes 5 months or 5 years, that's what it takes.
There are times in your life when you think "Screw this, I'm done." and recently I have been brought to that point. How much am I supposed to endure? What is the point of this? How are all of these new details of my life going to help me grow as a person? The truth is, there is no point. My life won't benefit from all of this. Life doesn't work that way, it doesn't owe me anything. It's just life. If anything it makes me more paranoid and makes me realize there are few people in my life that I can trust. The only positive thing about all of this is the strength it has brought me as well as bonding my husband and I even more than I thought possible.
The point of this post is just about forgiveness. Seeking it is one thing, giving it is a whole other issue. I've never been one to hold grudges, resentment or anger. I don't see the purpose in keeping all of those bad emotions inside. I now see things a bit different and feel like forgiveness is a privilege. I have a big enough heart to know that I have the ability to forgive, I'm just not sure if I can do that as easily as some people. All I know is my life is different now. My family is different now. My world is different now and as much as I can forgive, I most certainly will never forget.
EMM
There are times in your life when you think "Screw this, I'm done." and recently I have been brought to that point. How much am I supposed to endure? What is the point of this? How are all of these new details of my life going to help me grow as a person? The truth is, there is no point. My life won't benefit from all of this. Life doesn't work that way, it doesn't owe me anything. It's just life. If anything it makes me more paranoid and makes me realize there are few people in my life that I can trust. The only positive thing about all of this is the strength it has brought me as well as bonding my husband and I even more than I thought possible.
The point of this post is just about forgiveness. Seeking it is one thing, giving it is a whole other issue. I've never been one to hold grudges, resentment or anger. I don't see the purpose in keeping all of those bad emotions inside. I now see things a bit different and feel like forgiveness is a privilege. I have a big enough heart to know that I have the ability to forgive, I'm just not sure if I can do that as easily as some people. All I know is my life is different now. My family is different now. My world is different now and as much as I can forgive, I most certainly will never forget.
EMM
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