True Colors

As most of you who read my blog know, this time last year my parents separated and are now divorcing. Over the course of 2012 I gained insight and knowledge on the man my father really is. Let me be clear, in my opinion he's not a good person.

I've struggled with the idea of writing about my father because to be honest, it isn't anybody's business and it's not my place to shout out to the world who he really is. However, part of me feels like he's living this care free life on my mother's dime without any repercussion for his misdoings. So while I think everyone deserves to know about the man he is, I won't be the person to tell you.

So why write about this EMM? Well I decided to write about the reality of parents and how as we get older, we understand them better. It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized my parents were human and they made mistakes just like everybody else. It wasn't until last year that I even considered never speaking to a parent again. Growing up your parents always say "No matter what you do, I will always love you." I held that dear to my heart because it gave me a sense of security and comfort. I always thought the same about them, but I never imagined my love would be challenged by my father's actions. The thing is, I still love my father; of course I do. Although he has not been in my life for the last 7 months and will no longer be an active member in my life he's still my dad.

Growing up I adored my dad. I was the epitome of "daddy's little girl" he could do no wrong in my eyes. How could someone I knew so well, cherished so much, loved dearly be someone I don't even know anymore? On the other hand, my mother has proven to be the strongest woman I will ever know. She has taught me what it is like to take the high road because over the last year she has definitely done that on several occasions. So through getting to know who my parents really are my father was someone I could no longer have in my life but my mother was an inspiration.

The reality for me is while I can forgive mistakes, it doesn't change who my father is. So the point of this blog is to express that even if you're close to your parents, things can change. They show their true colors and sometimes that's a wonderful thing, and sometimes it makes you lose a parent. I sometimes wish I could go back to being naive but the truth of the matter is life isn't really worth it if you aren't being true to yourself and the ones you love. So while I became aware of who my parents really are, particularly my dad, and last year was one road block after another, life is as it should be...truthful.
EMM

A+

I've mentioned before how lately I've become a bit of a documentary buff. I recently saw a documentary called "American Teachers" and it basically breaks down the American Education system and it's teachers. I don't really want to go into details about how underpaid and under appreciated American teachers are because you all know that. However this documentary sparked a conversation between my husband and I about our favorite teachers of all time.

For me, it's hard to pick just one because I have been truly blessed in my life with wonderful teachers (and several horrible ones). So I thought I'd chose the 2 that really made a difference and impact in my life.

High school was full of great and terrible teachers. It was hard to pick a teacher from high school that was my favorite because there are several I could choose. That being said I had Mr. Stoebe for all 4 years teaching leadership/student government/ASB. My entire life I was a shy person and not so much a leader in any aspects of my life. That was until freshman year when this man taught me the importance of leadership and helping people find their path. I gained so much self confidence, leadership skills and friendships through this class and his teachings. He taught me how to be who I am without apologizing for it, stand up for what I believe in but also be sensitive to others. I still quote him today on the top of my blog "It's the decisions you make not the conditions you're in that determine your destiny." He was without a doubt one of the most inspirational people in my life and helped shaped me into the person I am today.

College was the first time I "researched" my teachers through a website where fellow students could rate that professor on intelligence, difficulty, personality and exams. Shelly Wynants was one of my first professors in my field, child and adolescent development. Her ratings were not too popular but not too bad either. She was difficult but informative. Learning from my mother never to shy away from a challenge I took her class. I am so glad I did because never have I ever learned so much about children. She taught several classes and I took every single one of them. Shelly was so personable, interesting, knowledgeable, passionate and inspiring. Yes, she was a difficult grader but her expectations for her students what was pushed me to be a better one. After seeing me semester after semester we became close in a sense where I wasn't just another passer by in one of her classes. One time I worked for months on my final project for her class and the day before it was due my husband accidentally deleted the 15+ page essay. I immediately started panicking because there was no way I could re-write the entire essay in a few hours. I called her and she immediately calmed me down and said I could have an extension of 1 week without it hurting my grade. To my dismay I had it ready the following day for class after an all nighter. I wanted to impress her and show her my commitment to her class like she had for her students. She didn't want to fail me, so I pushed myself to write it again and ready for class the next day.

Something I realized all these teachers have in common is their passion for their students and their ability to push me to become a better person. So much of a teacher's job is much more than just teaching. They are counselors, friends, parents, role models and much much more. I wouldn't be where I am today without the wonderful teachers I had throughout my life. I appreciate all of my past teachers because even if they weren't the best of the bunch they were still there to help me grow.
EMM

The Business of Being Born

If you haven't seen the documentary by Ricky Lake called "The Business of Being Born" I encourage you to go out and watch it. It's on Netflix and accessible online as well. Here is a link to the trailer, Business of Being Born Trailer. It's about the health care system in America for women who give births in hospitals versus home births. It gives a lot of information on the drugs given to expecting mothers in labor at the hospitals and how dangerous and often times unnecessary they can be. It also gives wonderful information on home births and the options you have when it comes to giving birth to your babies.

I am a documentary lover and watch as many as I can. This is by far one of my favorites because it provides details and information on a topic that not only interest me, but that I never even considered before. After watching this documentary I started researching the options of doing a home birth and potentially using a midwife when we get pregnant. Everything I read and researched was positive. When reading and hearing women's personal experiences with home birth they all obviously had different stories but they ALL had 2 things in common. After giving birth they felt this incredible sense of love. I thought "Of course they felt love, don't all women? They just had their baby!" But as it turns out women who are given drugs during labor only feel a small percentage of those women who don't use drugs and take their time during labor. The Oxytocin hormones are through the roof for women who just gave birth but the drugs involved decrease those levels. The other thing mothers who had home births ALL said was that they felt a sense of empowerment with a ton of energy after the birth. I thought that was odd but having the baby naturally in a calm state seemed to benefit the babies and the mothers after the birth.

I always knew I wanted to have my children naturally if I could but the option of a C-section never really bothered me. Now, I realize that the hospitals push for women to have C-sections. To be honest from what I gathered it was so the doctors could be home at a decent hour. I realize not all doctors are like this but in America, most OBGYN doctors are not even trained for natural labors because they are predominately trained in surgery. Often times the doctor will scare mothers into thinking a C-section is the only way to save their baby. Yes, C-sections are sometimes necessary but 32.9% of all births in America are via C-sections! Woman's bodies naturally know what to do, it's a miracle I can only attain to God. Our bodies are "trained" to do what they need to do when they need to do it. Now if you are in labor for several hours and there is severe distress on the baby, lack of oxygen or an emergency scenario, yes by all means C-sections are critical. However being told something suddenly is wrong with your baby at 4pm on a Friday evening seems suspicious to me.

So after watching this documentary and researching the topic I am fairly certain I want to have a home birth with a midwife rather than the traditional hospital birth. Midwives are trained and licensed professional and essentially the same as a doctor. They transport women to hospitals with ample time if they feel there are sudden risks involved. As well as taking on mothers who are healthy low risk patients to avoid any complications that may arise. I know you must all think I'm crazy but my husband is supportive and it really struck a chord with me. I feel in my soul that it is the way my children are meant to come into this world. I may change my mind in the future but for now, I'm excited to continue to research and potentially have my future children in a calm, supportive, drug free environment.
EMM