Does Grandma know best?

I was on the phone with my grandmother this afternoon and out of the blue she says to me “Mija, you have to keep your husband happy so he doesn’t get happy somewhere else.” She continued going on about how she’s not just referring to sex. She thinks women should always look their best, keep well groomed, dress appropriately, cook, clean, bear children, be social, and stay on top of it in the bedroom. WOW! I didn’t respond with much because let’s face it…you can’t teach an old lady new tricks (sorry I refuse to call my grandmother a dog).

Thinking about this and knowing immediately I had to put it into blog, all I could think of was if this is still the standard men have for women these days. Do men want a woman who can do it all? Of course they do right? Men want a woman who is and always will be slim even after bearing children. They want a Mary Poppins-ish chef, who whistles while she dusts. They also want a woman who can contribute financially and to top it off get freaky in the bedroom DAILY! Now men, don‘t say otherwise because if your current wife/girlfriend was all of the above I doubt you’d complain! Sure you may not seek this “ideal” woman, but you wouldn’t avoid her either.

While that breed of women exists somewhere I can guarantee you she’s rare. I can only compare that type of woman to myself. I consider myself traditional when it comes to gender roles. While my husband was in the military I considered myself a full time student housewife. That “ideal” woman I mentioned up there was not too far off from what I was. As time goes on though, things change. Our roles as husband and wife changed as well. Now I work full time and he’s at home a lot of the time. It doesn’t make sense to either one of us for me to slave when I get home if he’s been here all day. Luckily I married a man who could care less about those gender roles.

I’ve written about something similar to this but I’m not talking about gender roles here. I’m talking about men wanting someone who can do it all and not complain. I think men would be quick to argue with me on this but I also think that those men aren’t being honest. I truly believe that if men had women who fit that mold, they would be happy. Although I have to say to my grandmother’s initial point….she was like this and they still ended up divorced. So maybe grandma doesn't know best. It’s clearly more about just being the ideal woman for your ideal man.

That's a deal-breaker!

My experience with men is pretty wide. What I mean is I’ve had serious relationships, not so serious relationships and friendships with men of all types. A deal breaker for me means that man has a quality that is against me in general. It can be as important as religion or as miniscule as teeth. For the sake of this blog, I’m going to keep it light and go with the little things I couldn’t deal with in my past.

There were really only 2 guys in my past that had items on my deal breaker list which is why we never dated. One guy had 2 lazy eyes. I know it’s so small and pathetic but can you really be with a person who always looks so depressed? I didn’t realize at the time the real reason I didn’t like him. I thought I just wasn’t attracted to him, but thinking about it I now know it was his lazy eyes. My other experience was with a guy I genuinely liked. We talked every day, saw each other at school and we were both really into each other. One day we kissed, and that was the end of it. He was a horrible kisser! Way too sloppy for me. I still talk to this guy occasionally but to this day he doesn’t know how I really feel about his kissing methods.

Since I’ve gone ahead and written about 2 of my deal breakers, I should go on record telling you why one guy broke up with me. It wasn’t a serious relationship to begin with and to be honest I think he was looking for a way out. He broke up with me because…my toes looked like fingers! To this day I still am self-conscience about my toes. I’m constantly asking my husband if my feel look ok and I always make sure my nails are done. Realistically I know my toes look fine, but because of that one statement I make sure they REALLY are fine. Because of this guy, I never said any of my deal breakers to other men. I would never want another person to feel like I do about my toes about their eyes or kissing methods. So for now, they stay anonymous. If you know me, have fun guessing!

EMM

Save password?

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now. In the beginning, we had our own accounts for everything. Cell phones, myspace, facebook, email, bank etc. Eventually when we got married we had to combine our separate lives into a marriage. About 25 days after we got married, he was shipped off. During those 25 days we had a lot of paperwork to fill out through the military. I mean I had to adapt quickly to the married life because should something happen to him, I needed to know how to handle the military. That fear is what lead to the discussion of passwords.

I have all of my husband’s passwords when it comes to the important things. I don’t know his magazine subscription password or random website passwords. I mean bank accounts, GI bill, school finances, email etc. To be honest when it comes to his schooling and how the government is paying for it, I might as well be the student. He has all of my passwords as well. It’s a necessity when the government is involved. Now email, there really is no need for us to have each other’s but it’s also nothing we ever thought about. We have nothing to hide but on that same level of respect I seriously doubt he ever checks my email. I don’t check his unless it has to do with student loans.

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Some people find it completely disrespectful for another to have their password. To those people I would say “what are you hiding?” I understand not everyone is hiding something it’s more of a personal matter. I personally don’t see an issue with this. In fact one of my friends said if her husband refused to give her a password if she asked for it, she would raise an eyebrow. I agree. At this point in our marriage it would be a little weird not to hand it over should I ask. All in all I think married couples tend to share them with each other knowing it’s for convenience, necessity (in some cases) and just easier.

EMM

Cheater cheater pumpkin eater

Have you ever been cheated on? It’s a very personal question, I know. I also know that if somebody were to ask me I would definitely answer with the truth…HELL YES! Who hasn’t these days right? I mean in my past I have been cheated on by different guys. It always hurt and took a piece of my heart. Now I realize the guys who meant the most to me didn’t hurt me at all.

My first experience with cheating was with my first real boyfriend. We were together for about 1 year when I found out he was cheating on me with his step-sister at the time. Long story short, their parents separated and they got married. In the long run I was super happy for them because at least if he cheated on me, it was with the love of his life. I was pissed when I found out, but it ended up not being that big of a deal in my life.

The worst experience I had was with a different ex-boyfriend. He and I had been dating on and off for years. We were close friends before ever dating so I knew who he was as a person. He cheated on me several times. Of course I never had any proof because we went to different schools so I played the dumb-ass naive girlfriend letting it slide. That is until I finally had proof. I got the other girls phone number from his cell phone and called her. My intention was to scream at her and get some anger off my chest. But as the conversation went on, I found out she had no idea who I was. Mind you, she lived in another state! I explained the situation and we both broke up with him. She and I still keep in contact every so often.

My point is, I’ve been cheated on and cheated on others. It’s not my proudest confession but there it is. I can’t sit here and be a hypocrite talking crap about guys who have hurt me when I know I’ve hurt some in my time. Not the ones I really cared about, but in general I know I wasn’t a saint when I was younger. Overall, I think that it’s more common for men to cheat on women. It’s easier for them and they’re less emotionally involved. Of course that’s just my opinion…

EMM