Muah!

Ahhhh your first kiss. Take a moment to think about that memory. Go ahead, I'll give you a second.....

It was 1998. I was 13 years old. I was dating an 8th grader named David. He was soooooo cute you guys. We were in the band room, alone, and then he leaned in and kissed me! Not just kissed me, but FRENCH kissed me! I was so surprised because I never had that talk with my mom and my friends never told me about the tongue part! Looking back it was really not good, but we were young so who cares. It was the only time in our 3ish month relationship that we kissed. I think back on that memory and I smile because I was so young and blissful and I am glad I had a typical preteen moment.

Fast forward a year later to the time I kissed a boy I really liked, a real boyfriend. He was a year older than me and we met through mutual friends. I was sleeping over at my girlfriends house and her brother had his friend sleep over too, which is how I met B. I was instantly into him because he was hysterically funny! I laughed my ass off that night and every day I was with him since. I cheated on him with a boy in my grade and we broke up BUT got back together 3 years later, the summer going into my senior year. So our first kiss was in 1999 at Big League Dreams (a local baseball field park) inside the indoor soccer tent at night while it was closed. He leaned in to kiss me and I was swept off my feet! I couldn't believe a boy could make me feel like that. While I had been kissed before, it didn't compare to this kiss.

Fast forward to my first kiss with my husband in July 2005. I was hooked immediately. I've known my husband for 20 years but we  didn't start dating in until mid 2005. I drove 3 hours in the middle of the night to see him after we'd been talking for a couple of weeks. The first night I saw him we went to his barracks room and talked. I actually leaned in to kiss him and that was it. The very next day I told my mom he was the one, true story. You must be thinking, "Damn, he must be a good kisser!" Well he is but he embraced me and kissed me in a way that I had never been kissed before, where our souls connected and my heart felt whole. It was my last first kiss and it was a beautiful one that I will always remember.

Now, after sharing my experiences with you, I'd like to show you this very cool video. Basically they put a bunch of strangers together and ask them to kiss one another, without knowing who they are. Watching each of these "couples" kiss is amazing to me because some of them are awkward as to be expected and some of them embrace each other and look like they've been kissing for years. It's a connection as humans we sometimes take advantage of. I think it's a very intimate connection that is a beautiful thing.So please watch this video because I guarantee it will put a smile on your face and make you think of your first kiss.

Cat+Fish=Shady

I just yesterday came across this show on MTV called Catfish. I'm sure I'm waaaaay behind on this but I was hooked immediately. Once my husband got home, he too was hooked, then my brother in law. Just in case you are like us and don't watch MTV ever, it's about these young adults who find online relationships but never meet the people. Something then happens that makes them suspicious of the other person not being true about who they really are. These two men Nev and Max are then on a quest to essentially out the person stringing this innocent and vulnerable human being along. It's amazing. Here is a link in case you want to investigate the show yourself Catfish The Show


I sincerely wish I could do what Nev and Max do because they bring truth back into a world that thrives on pretending to be someone we are not. I think it must be amazing to do something like that AND get paid. Anyways...

The people who are "catfishing" the innocent souls often have deeper issues they are dealing with and occasionally is some asshole douchebag that wants to "practice his moves" before going out in to the real world to get a girlfriend. It's pretty hard to watch these people get up the courage to finally meet someone that they love, yes LOVE, hold on...*Side note, the fact that John has been talking to Jane for 6.5 years and has never so much as met, video chatted or seen a picture of her from the neck down seems like a stretch. However these people really do fall in love with one another* Ok where was I....watching them get up the courage to meet the love of his life is hard. 9/10 times the person who walks out of the front door is female (which pisses me off ladies), significantly over weight, NOT the person in the pictures they are sending and have real issues they eventually own up to. The truthful person is always amazed at how betrayed they feel often asking "Who ARE you?" I mean, can you imagine being in love with someone for 6 years and finally meeting them, only to find out they weren't who you thought you were? Sure people do this all the time in person, meeting someone and falling in love only to find out they were hiding some sort of secret that defines who they are as a person. It can lead to break ups or divorce. It's not much different than that but for some reason it just seems so much worse.

I'm already cautious about who I befriend on the internet and I have NEVER been friends with someone that I didn't already know in person. For example, my friend Amy introduced me to Cortney at her birthday party a few months ago. Cortney added me on FB, that's normal. Me getting a friend request from someone I don't know and don't have any mutual friends with....creepy! Let's all just be careful out there. Get proof before you invest so much of yourself into a relationship. It doesn't seem like it's that difficult of a process but I guess when you're lonely and looking to get out there it can be hard. Just be safe, my friends.

Court Me, Dammit!

I was visiting my family last weekend and instead of "How have you been?" or "What's new EMM?" I got an astounding number of "Why haven't you been writing in your blog? You need to keep up on that missy." Well shit....I'm sorry! I then proceeded to tell them I haven't been as motivated to write because I don't have very interesting topics. They all started yelling out their ideas and while I appreciate their input, I think I have a better idea of what my audience wants, and that includes them!

I decided to write about courtship. For those of you who don't know what this is, listen up! Courtship is the act of "wooing" your partner. This could be at the beginning stages of your developing relationship (and for most people that's when it happens most) or it can be a man romancing his wife after 20 years of marriage. Either way, I find it important in any relationship especially if you've been together awhile.

3 months in...

WHO DOES THIS?!?

Your career is at it's peak. You spend weekends with friends and family, living it up on your own. All you are responsible for is yourself. The man brings you flowers, surprises you with a get-away, brings you soup when you're sick, etc...The sex is new and amazing and often. Everything you do, you want to do together. You have all the time in the world to spend with one another and life is blissful!





10 years later....

You have 3 kids under the age of 5, work, soccer practice, school plays, walking the dogs, bake sales, conference calls, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, car wash, laundry, cook dinner, change diapers it's NEVERENDING! Sex? Shit I should schedule that in next week.

Some people think the spark is gone and you basically are roommates. In some cases, ok in a lot of cases, that may be the case. While I think too many people are quick to jump into divorce, I understand where they are coming from. I think what more marriages in the world could use is courtship. Both men and women need to become more in tune with what their partner needs and desires. I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about the act of doing something considerate for your partner. I am constantly bugging my husband to be romantic and it's not because I think our marriage is lacking in any specific way, I (and I believe most women) just want to know that we are being considered and thought of. Don't go spend hundreds of dollars on jewelry, unless you want to! Rather clean the kitchen when you see it's a mess and I'm busy working. Take me to see that ungodly awful chick flick you know I want to see. This doesn't just go for men, either. Women we need to make sure we take our men into consideration as well. If he's had a long work week, cut him some slack and arrange a guys night. Go to the new steakhouse he's been wanting to try.

Courtship changes from the beginning of your relationship to it's current definition. While all that mushy stuff is great at the beginning, I'd rather my husband brought me a RedBox movie rather than flowers and candy. Rather than taking me out on the town every weekend, I'd rather just have a Game of Thrones marathon. It's all about perspective and what your partner needs and wants now, not 10 years ago. Think about it, when was the last time you did something unexpectedly sweet for your significant other? It's important to do these things because rather than living like Bill Murray in "Groundhog's Day" you can be living a life full of fun and surprises you didn't even know you wanted.

                                              **If birds can court, so can we my friends!**

EMDR Therapy

Yikes, please forgive me for not tending to my blog for so long. I started writing a blog about my typical silly Erika banter but today I decided to share with you all what's really been going on in my life over the last few months.

It has been approximately 8 weeks since I started going to therapy. I'm an open book so saying, or rather admitting, that I am seeking help isn't really much of a stretch for me. Anyone who knows me, and I mean really knows me, is aware of my ability to be honest with them and my issues, of course only when asked.

It's been almost 2 years since I found out some really disturbing news about my father and in those two years I have developed severe anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. I've always been a bit of a worry wart in general but over the last 6 months in particular I've had several anxiety attacks relating to things I really have no control over but stress about anyways. It wasn't until 2 months ago that I realized something needed to change.

I went online to my insurance web page and literally found the closest therapist with positive feedback. I called his office, made an appointment and have been seeing a profound change since then. I really do think it was fate because I really didn't put much effort into finding "the therapist". It just so happened Dr. Alpert is an anxiety specialist. We use EMDR therapy (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy) to help me lower my anxiety. Instead of trying to explain what EMDR is, I'd rather just show you a video of someone undergoing EMDR therapy with a trained professional.

Now, I understand that it might look as though he is pretending or acting, but when I first saw this video after my first session undergoing EMDR therapy, I couldn't help but understand exactly how this man felt. Emotions run through you as quickly as the memories do. It's emotionally draining and exhausting by the end of the hour. In the 2 months that I've been seeing Dr. Alpert I've only done 2 sessions of EMDR and it has allowed me to really heal with issues I didn't even realize I held on to. I know therapy is not for everyone, and I know EMDR is not for everyone but it really has helped me. I will continue to go to therapy because I do not feel as though I have cured my anxiety by a long shot (I know I will one day) but until then I can definitely say on a scale from 0-10 on the anxiety chart I am getting closer and closer to that zero!

For more information on EMDR check out this website! EMDR