For those of you who don't know what an emotional affair it can be easily described as two people developing a relationship that's deeper than friendship, but not as close as a relationship. They communicate often, they enjoy each other's company without their significant other but don't have sex-yet. Most of the time women fall for men in this scenario because their man or woman at home isn't giving them enough attention. Of course this is all based on my opinion, not a professional's. I think this is the case for both men and women but more so for women. I think more specifically a man is hearing what he wants to hear. Maybe this other woman has similar interest his wife just doesn't have, maybe she's sexier than his wife and maybe she's flirtatious in a way his wife/girlfriend isn't anymore.
As an adult I find the line very thin in these situations. It's one thing to have lunch with a co-worker, during work, at work. It's another to meet a co-worker on a Sunday afternoon without your significant other. Some people think if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I don't think that one bit. There doesn't have to be any touching at all, it's the context of your conversations and the amount you spend with this person. I don't snoop through my husband's phone, text, emails etc I trust him completely. But I also know if he started talking about "Stacy" from work or school often, it would become a red flag. I almost prefer a sexual affair because that could be a one time mistake versus him having another woman he can confide in and possibly develop a relationship with.
I'm not a saint, I don't claim to be one so I'm going to tell you about the emotional affair I had. Now, believe me I understand that I was a lot younger, stupider and selfish but I don't think that means I couldn't have an emotional affair. Of course when I write about this I am mostly thinking about married couples but in my case, I was a teenager when this happened. I was dating this boy who at the time had been the only person I really loved. He was my everything, and I don't say that lightly. Long story short, he had a feeling I was cheating on him. I fought him to the nail telling him I wasn't! The truth is, looking back I was. I was having an emotional affair with another boy. This other boy was what I considered a close friend, but realistically we were hanging out and writing flirtatious notes to one another. I didn't consider it cheating because we never kissed or held hands or anything of that nature. The truth is I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I have learned from it and know the difference now between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair.
So I guess the point of this post is to make sure you are aware of your choices. Understand that disclosing personal information to a "friend" and meeting him for drinks after work may not be physically cheating, but could lead up to something worse. Emotional affairs hurt everyone involved and will only bring pain to you, your "friend" and your significant other.
EMM
As an adult I find the line very thin in these situations. It's one thing to have lunch with a co-worker, during work, at work. It's another to meet a co-worker on a Sunday afternoon without your significant other. Some people think if it's not sex, it's not cheating. I don't think that one bit. There doesn't have to be any touching at all, it's the context of your conversations and the amount you spend with this person. I don't snoop through my husband's phone, text, emails etc I trust him completely. But I also know if he started talking about "Stacy" from work or school often, it would become a red flag. I almost prefer a sexual affair because that could be a one time mistake versus him having another woman he can confide in and possibly develop a relationship with.
I'm not a saint, I don't claim to be one so I'm going to tell you about the emotional affair I had. Now, believe me I understand that I was a lot younger, stupider and selfish but I don't think that means I couldn't have an emotional affair. Of course when I write about this I am mostly thinking about married couples but in my case, I was a teenager when this happened. I was dating this boy who at the time had been the only person I really loved. He was my everything, and I don't say that lightly. Long story short, he had a feeling I was cheating on him. I fought him to the nail telling him I wasn't! The truth is, looking back I was. I was having an emotional affair with another boy. This other boy was what I considered a close friend, but realistically we were hanging out and writing flirtatious notes to one another. I didn't consider it cheating because we never kissed or held hands or anything of that nature. The truth is I didn't realize this until a few years ago. I have learned from it and know the difference now between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair.
So I guess the point of this post is to make sure you are aware of your choices. Understand that disclosing personal information to a "friend" and meeting him for drinks after work may not be physically cheating, but could lead up to something worse. Emotional affairs hurt everyone involved and will only bring pain to you, your "friend" and your significant other.
EMM
I completely agree... an emotional affair if often worse than a sexual affair. When a person has an emotional affair, he or she is not only cheating on a spouse/significant other, he or she is also cheating on oneself. If the person would put as much effort into the current relationship, the spouse/significant other may reciprocate, thereby making the current relationship valuable and worth keeping.
ReplyDeleteA person has an affair (emotional or physical) for many reasons, but the most common is the "thrill of the hunt" or the "new, giddy feeling." People cheat because the other person in the affair is different than what the cheater currently has at home. Is different better? Sometimes it is, but it is paramount to close the first relationship PRIOR to getting involved in the second.
When having an emotional affair, the cheater is distancing himself or herself from the current relationship by introducing another person into the familiarity of one's life. The cheater shares intimate details of his or her life with the new person, leaving the current relationship in the dark. It is an emotional connection that most relationships cannot recover from.
As you can probably guess, I have been on the hurtful end of a significant other having several emotional affairs. He had no interest in making our relationship work, but instead chased after an emotional connection to anyone but me. His loss, as he is still chasing... I have been happily married for 9 years.
My husband and I keep an emotional connection by communicating. Honest communication is paramount in any relationship. If something is bothering me, I let him know. He loves me enough to do the same. We talk about it, creating an emotional bond that is unbreakable.
I am blessed to have a husband who recognizes the value in our relationship, in me, and in himself. We cherish our love and commitment to each other, and it amazes me how many people comment on how we love each other. Isn't that the way it should be?
Thoughts?
I agree with with everything you said Janice. Fortunately I have never been on the hurting end of the emotional affair (or at least I'm too oblivious to notice it) but I have been on the hurtful end of sexual cheating. It hurts badly but I can't compare the two. I am also blessed to have a husband I can openly discuss any and everything with. We have a bond that is apparent to our family and friends. I enjoy being the couple others look up to and can hopefully live up to their standards. Thank you for your input! Keep reading :D
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