The Line

I was listening to the radio on my way to work the other day and I heard a rather interesting conversation. It was about the line each individual person has that their significant other can't pass or it is considered cheating. For example, my friend may think kissing is cheating, where as her boyfriend may think sex is the breaking point. It is important to discuss these things with your significant other because should they come home telling you about their adventures at the local strip club, you can't really get upset with him if that boundary was never clarified, right?

So, I called my husband and asked him what the line for him was. I was a little surprised by his answer because it was quite astute and more thoughtful than I would have given him credit for. He said "If you have a male coworker your bringing lunch for, that's cheating. Because it means you're thinking about him at home." He knows me better than I know myself. He basically said that I'm more of an emotional personal so if I am emotionally attached to someone, I'm more likely to cheat. I then said "What, you don't think I can just got have sex with some random guy?" He then said "No. Besides if you did I would leave you because that means you've changed. You would never have sex with someone you weren't emotionally attached to." It seems he realizes his line with me is much more of an emotional one than physical one because they go hand in hand with my personality.

Now for my line with him....it's completely different! I thought to myself I could and most likely would forgive a one time mistake. I would be much more inclined to leave if he came to me and said "I saw my ex girlfriend and I realized I'm still in love with her." Clearly you can't really come back from that. So I kept my line on the aspect of physical cheating versus emotional. If he went to a strip club and got "handsy" with a stripper, that's my line. Do I want him at a strip club? Not particularly. Do I want him getting a lap dance? I could do without. But neither of those things would cause divorce, just arguments and discussions. Now if he got chummy with her, I could see that being a real red flag. 

Please note, these aren't guidelines for him and I to go out and do what we want without repercussion; we respect each other and our marriage. It's just a hypothetical conversation. Please also note, we are firm believers in fixing things rather than bolting and running away from our problems. There are very few things that would cause us to seriously consider divorce. That doesn't mean we put up with everything, it just means we respect each other enough to not hurt one another. I hope this triggers a conversation between all my readers and their significant others. I think it's an important discussion to have, at the very least to clarify what is and isn't tolerated.

EMM

A Tribute

A little over a week ago I lost an old friend of mine. While I wasn't able to attend his funeral I did think of my own way to pay tribute and respect to his lost soul. I thought writing and dedicating a post to him would suit my personality and I know he'd appreciate it as well. My initial thought when I heard (or rather read) the news was "No way, someone got it wrong" but then it was confirmed. I wasn't sure what happened and at that point it didn't really matter. All that mattered was that he was gone and I wouldn't have a chance to see him ever again.

I hadn't seen Brian in years. As a matter of fact after high school we lost touch and it wasn't until the miraculous creation of Facebook that we reconnected and caught up again in 2010. His first words to me when we developed our friendship again were "Ohhh my God you look great girl!!! How is my first love? Don't tell me you got married??? I mean that's great and all but I will shed a single tear if you tell me yes....LOL" From then on we stayed in contact and developed a friendship again. Brian was the type of person that always made you smile, because he was smiling. He made you laugh because he was laughing. He was a smart ass, sarcastic and sometimes an over the top person. But it was who he was and who we all loved. He was helpful, insightful and full of love for everyone he knew.

Before I go I have to leave you all with my most cherished memory of Brian. We were seniors in high school and he actually transferred schools the year prior. He came back to my high school to visit but everyone was in class. I just so happened to be in the halls going when I saw him. I ran to him and hugged him and we caught up for a few minutes. I don't remember the conversation, I remember the moment and that hug. It captures our friendship perfectly, because even though he left our school, we picked up where we left off. He was one of the few people in my life who I knew I could count on and he could count on me. When I heard the news of his passing that was the memory that I played over and over in my head.

Brian I hope that you know you were adored by many and will be missed by everyone you ever touched. I hope to see you again one day and get one of those wonderful Brian hugs I remember so vividly. My deepest sympathies to his family and loved ones. Rest in paradise my dear friend.
EMM