The Line

I was listening to the radio on my way to work the other day and I heard a rather interesting conversation. It was about the line each individual person has that their significant other can't pass or it is considered cheating. For example, my friend may think kissing is cheating, where as her boyfriend may think sex is the breaking point. It is important to discuss these things with your significant other because should they come home telling you about their adventures at the local strip club, you can't really get upset with him if that boundary was never clarified, right?

So, I called my husband and asked him what the line for him was. I was a little surprised by his answer because it was quite astute and more thoughtful than I would have given him credit for. He said "If you have a male coworker your bringing lunch for, that's cheating. Because it means you're thinking about him at home." He knows me better than I know myself. He basically said that I'm more of an emotional personal so if I am emotionally attached to someone, I'm more likely to cheat. I then said "What, you don't think I can just got have sex with some random guy?" He then said "No. Besides if you did I would leave you because that means you've changed. You would never have sex with someone you weren't emotionally attached to." It seems he realizes his line with me is much more of an emotional one than physical one because they go hand in hand with my personality.

Now for my line with him....it's completely different! I thought to myself I could and most likely would forgive a one time mistake. I would be much more inclined to leave if he came to me and said "I saw my ex girlfriend and I realized I'm still in love with her." Clearly you can't really come back from that. So I kept my line on the aspect of physical cheating versus emotional. If he went to a strip club and got "handsy" with a stripper, that's my line. Do I want him at a strip club? Not particularly. Do I want him getting a lap dance? I could do without. But neither of those things would cause divorce, just arguments and discussions. Now if he got chummy with her, I could see that being a real red flag. 

Please note, these aren't guidelines for him and I to go out and do what we want without repercussion; we respect each other and our marriage. It's just a hypothetical conversation. Please also note, we are firm believers in fixing things rather than bolting and running away from our problems. There are very few things that would cause us to seriously consider divorce. That doesn't mean we put up with everything, it just means we respect each other enough to not hurt one another. I hope this triggers a conversation between all my readers and their significant others. I think it's an important discussion to have, at the very least to clarify what is and isn't tolerated.

EMM