Dream Believer

I am a big dreamer! Let me be clear, I'm not talking about a person who has big dreams, I mean I dream every night, without fail. 95% of the time I remember my dreams, they are vivid, dramatic, scary, funny, loving and obnoxious all at the same time. I've dreamt about everything and almost everyone I've ever know . I've woken up sweating, crying, smiling and calling friends and family to make sure they're ok. But nothing compares to these.....


My worst dreams aren't of me falling or dying. They aren't even of the ones where my friends and family are dying. To me, my worst ones are when I dream of people who are no longer with me. It's a bittersweet dream because for those few hours of shut eye I am able to spend time with them. But waking up is a cruel punishment.



There are 3 specific people I hate and love dreaming about. My Tia Nana. She is my mom's sister. She passed when I was 10 years old so all my memories of her were whimsical. Every time I dream of her I wake up sad because I barely knew her. Yet I feel like I have new memories thanks to these dreams. I mostly remember my aunt being full of life and frankly not giving a shit. She was living her life as though there was no tomorrow and enjoyed it. My cousin, her daughter, is like a sister to me and is the epitome of my aunt. From what I gather, they are two of the same. So while I never got to know my Tia Nana as well as some of my other family members, I know that being as close to my cousin as I am, is just as good

My grandfather is another. I commonly have guilt dreams about him. He passed away before I could say goodbye. Leaving tons of guilt with me. In my dreams with him he tends to be angry and still sick. I have yet to have a dream about him where he's healthy and able to walk, which is the way I remember him.

My old friend/ex Gilly. Having dreams about him are really hard. Every dream I have about him he's happy and full of life and we're always doing something fun! The reason his are so difficult for me is because I should have seen him before passing. Everyone I talk to tells me otherwise but I know I should have swallowed my pride and gone to see him. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life and these fun, energetic and so Gilly dreams remind me of that.


So even though I can't see these three wonderful people in real life, I do have my dreams. But once I wake up, reality strikes and its if they've left all over again. But since I'm a glass half full kind of woman instead of getting upset at these dreams I count them as blessings and their way of visiting me.
EMM